Tim Cook Outed As Gay CEO On CNBC

I didn't know this was a secret either, but this video is amazing.  Tim Cook was accidentally outed on CNBC, but the way it happened was hilarious to me.  It's never a good idea on live TV to ask, "I think Tim Cook is open about the fact he's gay at the head of Apple, isn't he?"  Just about as awkward of an exchange as possible.  Tim Cook was a little cryptic with his tweet at the San Francisco's 44th Gay Pride Parade this weekend, but believe what you want to believe.

Nixon's Speech If Apollo 11 Failed

I saw this story on Gawker, and they have a more complete blurb about this speech here.  There were so many unanswered questions about the lunar module's ability to take off from the moon, Nixon prepared a moving speech just in case.  The tone of the speech is the most fascinating part.

IN THE EVENT OF MOON DISASTER:

Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace.

These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery. But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice.

These two men are laying down their lives in mankind's most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding.

They will be mourned by their families and friends; they will be mourned by their nation; they will be mourned by the people of the world; they will be mourned by a Mother Earth that dared send two of her sons into the unknown.

In their exploration, they stirred the people of the world to feel as one; in their sacrifice, they bind more tightly the brotherhood of man.

In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood.

Others will follow and surely find their way home. Man's search will not be denied. But these men were the first, and they will remain the foremost in our hearts.

For every human being who looks up at the moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever mankind.

PRIOR TO THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT: The president should telephone each of the widows-to-be.

AFTER THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT, at the point when NASA ends communications with the men: A clergyman should adopt the same procedure as a burial at sea, commending their souls to "the deepest of the deep," concluding with the Lord's Prayer.

Dave Chappelle Documentary - The $50 Million Question

It's two hours long, so maybe just bookmark this video for a later time.  I found Neal Brennan far more interesting than Chappelle during this documentary, but it's definitely worth your time.  I was beyond obsessed with Chappelle's Show from day one.  I watched Killing Them Softly on HBO before Comedy Central picked up the Chappelle's Show, so I had a VHS ready to tape it every Wednesday night.  Even my Dad was hooked after watching The Black White Supremacist to wrap up the first episode. Who wouldn't be?

Wednesday Randomness with Battered Women

This commercial is real and disturbing at the same time, as England was just bounced from the Group Stage of the World Cup.  The only American equivalent I can imagine would be SEC football wives.  Bama taking a late loss would be enough for most Southern Belles to know to keep their traps shut for a few days.  And this billboard in San Antonio is pretty hateful, even though I still fully expect LeBron back in Miami next season.

And here's a random gif of the bubble rings humpback whales send to the surface.  It looks fake.

Dan Bilzerian's Assholey Responses

Dan Bilzerian loves nothing more than speaking his mind, and most of his responses come off like a true asshole.  If I had more money than I knew what to do with, I would be even more snarky in my hateful comments to the stupid people of the world.  Fuck You Money allows you to go around broadcasting how dumb everyone else is with no repercussions.  I would just love to be the TA for Professor Bilzerian's DGAF 101 class.

 

Mexico Coach Miguel Herrera Is The Best

I honestly have no idea who Miguel Herrera is or what team he normally coaches in the world of soccer, but my lunch break yesterday was made significantly better simply by his psychotic antics all over the sidelines.  Let's not forget, Mexico should still be thanking the United States for letting them into the World Cup, even as they advance out of the group stage.

 

The hug tackle is all-time.

USC Offers 4-Year Scholarships To Student-Athletes

ESPN - Leading the way in student-athlete welfare, USC will now offer four-year athletic scholarships in the revenue sports.

USC will offer four-year athletic scholarships to all scholarship student-athletes in the revenue sports of football and men's and women's basketball in lieu of the current practice of offering one-year renewable scholarships, USC athletic director Pat Haden announced Monday.  This policy will be effective July 1 for all current and future scholarship student-athletes in those sports.

"In taking this action, USC hopes to help lead the effort to refocus on student-athlete welfare on and off the field," Haden said.

I know for a fact that USC has been doing this for years.  Whether it was someone like Frankie Telfort with a heart condition found during his incoming physical or a lineman that had a career-ending injury, USC has honored scholarships for players no longer on the team.  Haden was just brilliant to get some great PR from something we have always done.  UCLA cuts players, and then they have to pay their own way - which is fine by me, since I'd rather not have our tax dollars wasted on a sociology degree.  And here is what 5-star Long Beach Poly CB Iman Marshall had to say on Twitter about our announcement.

Awesome Wimbledon Commericial

Commercials like this give other advertising agencies a bad name.  So awesome.

Darnell Dockett Has Got OJ's Back

The "I don't blame OJ" line hasn't been muttered by many, but Darnell Dockett didn't just stop there.

He's really got a great point here.  Let's not forget that the Juice was innocent, and he proved it in court.  Dockett is so fucking dumb, it's amusing to watch his idiotic stream of consciousness come out on Twitter.  He's my 2nd favorite hate-follow after @JoseCanseco.

USC Song Girls Tumblr

I just stumbled across the Tumblr for the USC Song Girls.  Follow that link for a lot good looking ladies.  It's a shame that their Tumblr only shows the current team, so hopefully someone can take it upon themselves to do a "All-time Best of USC Song Girls."  In other news, Michelle Wie won her first major yesterday at Pinehurst and decided to do some twerking after getting wasted drinking out of the trophy.  I'm just glad the internet saved the picture before she took it down.

Kendall Jenner Just Killing This Dress

At least we've finally gotten to the only piece of eye candy associated with this entire godforsaken family.  Kendall Jenner showed up in this loincloth to the MuchMusic Videos Awards last night (I felt old having to look up MuchMusic but was vindicated when I realized it is some dumb Canadian thing).  Let's just say that there is now one more person who is going to be "keeping up with the Kardashians."  That's the first dress that's bugged my eyes out of my head since JLo.  Get it girl.

Supercut of USA vs. Ghana Celebrations

These supercut videos of fan reaction shots are as American as it gets.  I really appreciated Drew Carney putting his live in-game screen time to good use.  I think I'll be on my way back from Chicago on Sunday during the USA vs. Portugal game, but I'm flying Virgin America with a TV.  Richard Branson FTW!

Get Pumped for USA vs. Ghana Today

I have long said that putting any montage to the Rudy theme song is cheating, but I'll allow it for the most patriotic video you will see all day.  And this video of a drunken bro hopping the rail to run with horses is incredible.  He was faster than I expected.

Who Had The Better Weekend - Manziel or Duncan?

The money phone, previously made famous by 50 Cent & Mayweather or Obama's most ardent supporter, was put to some more awesome use this weekend by my boy Money Manziel.  I love that he DGAF about the media.  Everyone is gonna have an opinion on him, so he literally just doesn't even bother listening anymore.  Parties on top of parties.  This picture of Tim Duncan & his son at the postgame presser is an amazing photo on Father's Day.  And that graphic below is shocking only because Kobe deserved so many more MVPs.

Lindsay Czarniak Baby Pictures

So I just saw Lindsay Czarniak is back from maternity leave and even doing SportsCenter already.  I knew that she was married to Craig Melvin from MSNBC, so I was curious about their baby.  Delano Joseph Melvin is a pretty smug name.

 

Cute kid.

And this is all my brain sees when they show Donald Sterling on TV.

The Hardest I've Laughed In Weeks

Mrs. Harbaugh Dockers Ad #StopDadPants

Since everyone now knows what an asshole Jim Harbaugh is when his own front office hates him, I'm sure Sarah Harbaugh is even worse.  She is hot though and has a great rack, so there's that. 

Wednesday Randomness

 

I absolutely love this picture of Yasiel Puig facing his fear of snakes today at the Cincinnati zoo.  I know exactly how he feels.  And this random video of outtakes from Kate Upton's SI swimsuit shoot is worth your time.

Dumb & Dumber To Trailer

Anchorman 2 has left a bad sequel aftertaste in my mouth, so I am very cautiously excited to see Dumb & Dumber To.  My guess is that Lloyd Christmas is actually into his own daughter in this sequel, since the French Tickler himself definitely had an affair with Freda Felcher from Cranston.  Not that I've seen the original 1000 times or anything.

KTLA Reporter Is "So F#cking Hot"

So this video is going viral right now, since everyone enjoys a good F-bomb on live TV.  The best part of this whole video is that I actually know Christina Pascucci, and she is "so fucking hot."  She was a Pi Phi at USC, two years older than me, and I know her old roommate well.  My favorite story about Christina Pascucci actually came straight from the mouth of old, shitty USC quarterback John David Booty.  We were playing basketball when he launched into this hilarious story.  Enjoy.

Booty - "I pulled Pascucci back to my place after the bar.  I was so shit-faced, I'm not really sure how far we got.  Either way, I woke up in the morning, and I realized I had pissed myself.  So I did the natural thing - I slinked out of the bed, changed into some dry boxers, and crawled back into bed.  I woke her up with an angry look on my face, and then I blamed the pissed bed on her.  Then she awkwardly left, and we haven't spoken since."

Darryl Sutter Press Conference Montage

ESPN plays up Popovich's antics on the reg, so it makes sense that it would take Hockey Night In Canada to put together one for the NHL's version of Pop, Darryl Sutter.  The Kings are cruising to this Stanley Cup, while most informed observers would say that this series has been far closer than outsiders would imagine.  The first two games were a coin flip, and other than Jonathan Quick, it appeared the Rangers outplayed the Kings in Game 3.  I don't see Lundquist & the Rangers quitting on the series, so hopefully the Kings can win at home in Game 5.  It's so much more fun to celebrate on home ice.  And this picture of Nic Cage wearing a Nic Cage t-shirt at the Guns 'N Roses concert is why the internet was invented.

John Oliver Destroys FIFA

This is hilariously well done.

Bill Simmons Calls Out Joey Crawford

I honestly just appreciate Simmons doing his best to keep Joey Crawford away from these finals.  And he couldn't be more right.  Joey Crawford is just about the only person in the world that hates Tim Duncan, so it might as well be a sure thing.  This video is living proof of what a piece of shit Joey Crawford really is.

Friday Randomness With Sharknado 2

July 30th can't get here soon enough.  I loved Popovich going after LeBron's only known weakness last night.  That's a veteran move.  He already put a rattlesnake in the Blazers locker room two series ago.  We all know Pop is going to do absolutely anything to win.  Anyone that thinks Pop isn't capable of messing with the air conditioning last night is naive.  Then Jonathan Martin, yeah THAT Jonathan Martin, tweeted this out during the game.  Quickly deleted, but that pussy Stanford alum should know better than anyone else that tweets last forever.

 

I just heard this clip from Vin Scully yesterday reminiscing about Don Zimmer who passed away earlier in the day.  His stories need to be preserved by someone.

And it was nice to see Obama taking the 70th Anniversary of D-Day so very seriously.  The French & British press are having a field day with his gum chewing - calling it "classless."  Agreed.

Kate Upton Rips LACC, Is 100% Wrong

The Los Angeles Country Club was viciously attacked by Kate Upton out of left field yesterday.  I have no idea where she is getting her erroneous information, but unfortunately she is 100% wrong.  After making a call to the pro shop to make sure I wasn't talking out of my ass, I decided to simply grab the bull by the horns on this one.  I'll let you know if back-to-back SI Swimsuit cover model takes me up on the offer.  I kind of look like a fat Justin Verlander.  Fingers crossed!!

PS - LACC has had some pretty bad PR this year, and there is nothing they could do about it.

Warren Sapp Called Out Sage Steele's Granny Panties Day 1

This story is hilarious when you think about Warren Sapp hazing the rookie reporter coming out of the Midwest.  It was literally her first day, and Sapp called her out about her granny panty lines.  I can't imagine it got much easier the following year when Keyshawn came to Tampa Bay.  That being said, Sapp was 100% right.  No one wants to see that shit.

Comparing Kaepernick's Deal & Faux Guarantees

If you want to read all of the knitty gritty details, take a look at Pro Football Talk's breakdown of this smoke & mirrors contract.  Since reading is hard, I will try to illustrate how stupidly ESPN perpetuates non-guaranteed totals claiming that the entire amount is guaranteed.  While Colin Kaepernick is now 4 times wealthier today than he was after his first 3 years with 49ers, the 49ers definitely got the much better end of this deal.  The Baltimore Ravens social media team, who have had a terrible last couple weeks, just tweeted out this breakdown in a misguided attempt to defend the horrible contract they handed Joe Flacco after Rahim Moore, in typical Bruin fashion, forgot to do his only job.

These numbers would be all well and good, if they were at all based in reality.  I'm assuming the 49ers sat him down with a breakdown similar to this in order to get him to sign on the dotted line.  In reality, the 49ers now have Kaepernick under control for the next 7 years for a little more than $13 million guaranteed, not $61 million.  The 49ers were able to fluff up his total numbers by including all of his incentives in the total contract number, meaning that $126 million is actually going to be much, much less.  Instead of simply having good play and health incentives paid out as he goes, his ego needed the "highest paid" moniker so much that now we are looking into how unlikely it is he actually hits $126 million.  These dis-incentives, also known as de-escalators, include a mandatory 80% of the snaps taken AND either a Super Bowl appearance or All-Pro season (each season).  That's a very tall order no matter who the quarterback is.  When these incentives are inevitably not met, he will lose $2 million cumulatively each season.

BUT WAIT, There's more - The 49ers only guaranteed the base salaries of 2014-2018 for injury only.  On April 1 of each year, the guarantees convert from injury only to fully guaranteed.  That gives the 49ers the ability to decide, in any given year, to move on from Kaepernick.  And with the deadline for the conversion of the guarantee coming on April 1, the 49ers can squat on his rights until several weeks after the start of free agency, making it harder for him to get paid elsewhere.  The contract also includes, starting in 2015, a whopping $2 million per year in per-game roster bonuses, an amount that one source characterized as “massive” in comparison to similar deals.  It means that, for every game Kaepernick misses due to injury after the 2014 season, he loses $125,000.

And then the kicker for me, as if the 49ers did not already have enough injury protection built into this organization-friendly contract, is that the contract also requires Kaepernick to purchase, with after-tax dollars, a disability policy that pays the 49ers $20 million if he suffers a career-ending injury.  Now please take a look at the truly guaranteed salaries and tell me who got the better end of this deal.  Kaepernick still can't beat the Seahawks, but the Seahawks should be praying day & night Russell Wilson will sign a similarly un-guaranteed, incentive-laden contract.  Don't hold your breath.

As A Hermosa Beach Resident, Go Kings Go

I'll be honest, I really just want more chances to take great snaps and selfies with Lord Stanley's Cup down here in the South Bay.  And this video timeline of Barry Melrose's evolving mullet will be the best part of your day.

I Called Jon Singleton's First Major League HR

My roommate and I were somehow still watching the Angels get crushed 5-2 by the Astros last night in the 8th when freshly called up rookie, Jon Singleton, went up 3-0 in the count.  My verbatim conversation - "Dude, Matthew Berry, that ESPN fantasy football tool, told me to pick this dude up in fantasy baseball this morning.  He's been just mashing homeruns in the minors for the last month.  He might have the green light on this 3-0 pitch." Slow 87mph fastball comes right down the pipe.  "Well he better not thrown THAT pitch again right now."  BAM.  Strong bat flip in your first game.  And this Vine makes me miss Big Daddy Vladdy.

Texas A&M Dismisses Starters Who Love Weed

ESPN - Texas A&M coach Kevin Sumlin announced Tuesday that starting linebacker Darian Claiborne and starting defensive tackle Isaiah Golden have been dismissed from the football team.  Claiborne and Golden, who both were expected to play key roles as sophomores this fall on the A&M defense after starting as true freshmen in 2013, were arrested and charged with aggravated robbery Tuesday, according to the College Station Police Department.  

According to police, the pair are accused of robbing three male victims at gunpoint on May 23 after the three men agreed to purchase marijuana from Claiborne and Golden.  A news release from CSPD said that Claiborne and Golden "arrived at the apartment to complete the transaction, one of the suspects produced a handgun, pointed it at one of the victims while the other suspect took the money that was present to purchase the marijuana. While this was occurring, one of the victims stood up from the couch and was struck in the face by the suspect with the handgun. The suspects then fled the area on foot and the victims notified police."

Darian Claiborne of A&M literally triggered the three strikes rule in one offseason.  That's pretty hard to do.  I hadn't checked the Fulmer Cup Standings (now handled exclusively on Reddit) until this morning, but I don't think they have been updated with Texas A&M's most recent 6 felonies from these two upstanding gentlemen.  You would think the two of them might've learned a lesson back in February when they were arrested for smoking a blunt in a handicapped parking spot.  Reminds me of Cade McNown & Skip Hicks from back in the day.

That "Handicap Weed Bust" was almost exactly two months to the day Claiborne was arrested for having weed and someone else's Adderall in stash can shaped like a Hershey's Kiss.  My guess is that he'll be starting at LSU in 2016 when he gets out on good behavior.  

$15 To Make World's Worst Sports Fan

$15 clearly is not enough money since everyone knows Oakland, Notre Dame, Yankees, Duke, & Heat fans are the absolute worst.  Since we don't have $22 to work with, choosing Texas & the Knicks really helps keep the World's Worst Fan moniker still be completely true.  And the Die Hard voice-over on that Vine makes it.

World's Worst $15 Fan #1 - Oakland, Texas, Yankees, Knicks, Kansas ($14)
World's Worst $15 Fan #2 - Oakland, Texas, Cardinals, Knicks, Duke
World's Worst $15 Fan #3 - Pittsburgh, Notre Dame, Phillies, Knicks, Kansas

Chris Paul Loves Kelly Kapowski Too

So I just saw that Chris Paul shares my undying love for SBTB, but more specifically Kelly Kapowski.  I know I only made a quick comment about her time at Skeeters yesterday, but high school Kelly was twice as hot as College Years Kelly.  I see you CP3.