Kobe Bryant Silences A Heckler

I don't know which of these two videos I love more from this season.  #MeetMeInTemecula

Christmas Break Recap

Hands down Ndamukong Suh is the dirtiest player in the NFL.  This isn't news, but yesterday's incident was as obvious as it gets.  In my opinion, it appears he accidentally steps on Aaron Rodgers with his right foot, then after realizing who was beneath him, he decided to switch feet and put all of his weight on Aaron Rodgers' calf.  Luckily for Rodgers it wasn't the injured calf from earlier in the game, but Suh knew exactly what he was doing.  I would suspend him for the playoff game, but he'll probably get off with a huge fine.  In other news, if anyone is on the lookout for a last second birthday gift for me, I would love a Charlie Tweeder West Canaan Coyotes jersey.

Screech & Harbaugh had interesting weekends to say the least.  One of them stabbed someone for snapping a picture of him, and the other one is tucking his tail between his legs and running back to his alma mater since everyone hates his guts after just a few years.  At least the Bears will be able to hire Harbaugh out of Michigan after their next hire crashes and burns.

Johnny Manziel decided to throw a party on the last Friday of the NFL season.  I don't know why the fuck he couldn't have waited one week, but he fucked over Josh Gordon pretty good.  Maybe that was the plan all along.  Either way, I'm not sure any athlete has gotten ratfucked harder than Josh Gordon this season.  Anyway, I saw this on Twitter and laughed out loud.

Here are my favorite pictures from Reddit over Christmas.  People with December and January birthdays know my pain.

And NASA posted this picture of the sun emitting a massive solar flare, which is awe-inspiring.

20th Anniversary of The Chanukah Song

I don't think I'd ever heard part 3 of The Chanukah Song until today.  I miss funny Adam Sandler.

Christmas Break Randomness

I laughed way too hard at these dogs painted to look like pandas.  And this gif from Reddit entitled "The Oval Office after North Korea's internet went down" is pure comedy.

A BBC reporter gets outrageously high while reporting on burning heroin, opium & hashish directly behind him.  I don't know what they expected to happen.

And I really liked this thoughtful video about how under-appreciated cops are in America.

And last but certainly not least, Gawker's breakdown of the Scientology Christmas Catalog is an absolute must-read.  The Sony Discman for $400 was my favorite.  HBO can't come out with that documentary fast enough.  Can you imagine how weird Will Smith's family Christmas is?

Entourage Movie Trailer

It appears to just be one long episode, which coincidentally is exactly what I wanted.

Fuck Her Right In The Pussy - A Year In Review

This made my morning, and I don't see how you could possibly keep from laughing.  Just watch the reporter's eyes.  The British versions are amazing simpy because 'pussy' sounds so much more hilarious.  I also couldn't help but notice how much San Francisco loves Fuck Her Right In The Pussy.  It's been a great year for #FHRITP, from Heisman trophy winner Jameis Winston to Ferguson, MO to everywhere in between.  Here's to ruining thousands of broadcasts in 2015!!

A Football Life: 2006 Rose Bowl Coming Jan. 2nd To Ruin 2015

Only a USC fanboy with sadomasochistic proclivities would sit through a documentary chronicling the worst day of their lives, thus I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment of A Football Life.  I doubt that USC's injury-riddled defense will get much sympathy, and it already appears that Matthew McConaughey was given far too much screen time.  My deep-seeeded hatred of the University of Texas and all things burnt orange isn't boiling over quite as much 9 years later, so I'm sure this documentary will throw some much needed gasoline on my my fiery hatred of the Longhorns.

In other news, how many Socialist dictators will Obama appease today (while on a 17-day vacation)?

NYPD Hates NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio

You can't really blame the NYPD.  After police officers Wenjian Liu & Rafael Ramos were killed on Saturday in retaliation for the lack of indictments in Ferguson & New York City, the NYPD has had enough of the mayor's anti-cop rhetoric.  The entire police force turned their backs on the mayor when he arrived at the hospital.  It's no wonder the police hate De Blasio, as you just have to watch one of his campaign ads.

While I understand the NYPD's outrage at the mayor for fomenting racial hatred and inciting the protesters, I would blame the liberal media for allowing Ferguson to ever take on a life of its own.  Eric Garner doesn't even make the news had Michael Brown's death been correctly ignored.  Either way, my life's work to going to be making it socially acceptable to piss on the corpses of people like Ismaaiyl Brinsley.  Look at his Instagram post right before the assassinations and tell me Al Sharpton isn't partially to blame.  It's not possible.  That race-baiting, drug dealing, faux-outrage extortionist deserves to be behind bars.

I Blame Texas A&M For Johnny Football's Pulled Hamstring

Johnny Football left Sunday's game with a pulled hamstring.  The strange thing about his injury is that I had a premonition about it earlier in the day.  Call it karma, juju, mojo or whatever - but I almost bet on the Panthers after I saw this video.  Darren Rovell tweeted out a video of the demolition of the West Side of Texas A&M's Kyle Field on Sunday morning.  Degenerate gamblers have to believe in bad signs or omens, and destroying part of Manziel history would have to fall into that category.  Like Samson getting his hair chopped off, Johnny Football lost of piece of his soul and his swagger.  The irony is that Aggies were already calling Kyle Field "The House That Johnny Built," although this construction project is the one actually funded by Johnny Manziel money/donations.

Exciting day in Aggieland as the old Kyle Field comes down to make way for a $485 M renovation #12thMan #KyleField

A video posted by Shane_Hinckley (@shane_hinckley) on Dec 12, 2014 at 6:31am PST

Marshawn Lynch Goes Beast Mode AGAIN

The amount that I enjoy Marshawn Lynch is hard to quantify.  Beast Mode pulled out the patented "Hold Ma Dick" pose we haven't seen since that earthquake back during the 2011 playoffs.  The runs are eerily similar, although he breaks a lot more tackles in the original.

Beast Mode!!! @darthnaters #HoldMaDick

A video posted by John Hoppe (@johnhoppe) on Dec 12, 2014 at 8:19pm PST

Tell me again why Marshawn Lynch isn't your favorite player.

All I Want For Christmas Is A Cicret Bracelet Of The Future

I will admit that I have been very anti-iWatch, but this sort of leap forward in technology would easily get me to eat my words.  The company website, with its ironic "Future is now" slogan, says that they are still working on a prototype.  Future is now is a little misleading since this video is just a big fucking tease.  Either way, Santa better get me the only thing on my list for 2014.

Frank Caliendo's 'Twas The Night Before Christmas

Manhattan Beach Holiday Fireworks 2014 Drone View

I was out of town watching the Seahawks stick a fork in Harbaugh & the 49ers season, so I didn't get to see the Manhattan Beach Holiday Fireworks on Sunday.  This drone cam footage is awesome, no matter where you're from.

You Want Me To Believe This Guy Took Down Sony?

Vice did a documentary last year about Dennis Rodman's trip to North Korea.  This video proves to me that North Korea had lots of help, if they didn't just farm out the hacking entirely.  I assume it was ex-KGB head Vladimir Putin, given that he is clearly the most pissed off at the United States at the moment.  China probably lent a hand, since why not.  Either way, I wasn't born yesterday, and the one guy who halfway understands a mouse in North Korea absolutely did not take down Sony.  It's laughable to me that they are being blamed.

Star Wars Music Set To Christmas Lights

Given my irrational love of every piece of music John Williams touches, this Christmas light show was awesome to watch and listen to.  Given the release of the Star Wars 7 trailer, I felt this video was even more appropriate.  I still like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Wizards of Winter light show more, but both of them helped me get into the Christmas spirit.

More Uncalled NBA Traveling

Blatant traveling is a much bigger pet peeve of mine than people really know.  I know I mentioned this last week, but nothing gets under my skin quite like a 4th or 5th step.  Once again, even Dwyane Wade thinks Corey Brewer traveled.

Best Of The Web 2014 Video

Here is the link for the 233 videos that make up this amazing 7 minute montage.

https://plus.google.com/+LucBergeronzapatou/posts/bBiTVECTt3p

Torture Has Been In The News

According to Twitter, CNN, CBS, NBC, & ABC, the Senate Democrats report about CIA torture and/or interrogation techniques is appalling and against our American values.  I retweeted El Pres at Barstool's take that he couldn't be more pro-torture if he tried.  Nevermind that all American embassies are now on high alert due to the increased threat from the release of this report, we tortured the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks at Guantanamo Bay???  Like I give a baker's fuck.  I want to read the report more than ever now to see just how badly we tortured that motherfucker.  I guarantee I would've been far less lenient.  Then yesterday BuzzFeed News reported ISIS is selling the beheaded body of James Foley to someone in Turkey to the tune of $1 million.  What's worse - keeping the body for financial gain or the fact that someone is actually willing to pay 1 million dollars for it?

Tell me again why I'm supposed to be against the torture of terrorists.

And the Navy just released a video on its new Laser gun.  Keeping in mind drone strikes cost an average of $70k, this laser gun never runs out of ammo and only costs a couple of quarters to fire.

Urban Meyer's Wife Lights Her Hair On Fire

Urban Meyer's wife Shelley lit her hair on fire blowing out her birthday candles last night.  Considering Urban Meyer sold his soul to the devil to get into the college football playoff, the fire & brimstone makes sense to me.  Honestly, I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.  For those of you that want to know what she looks like.

Santa Hat Christmas Drinking Game

I saw this picture on Instagram yesterday, and I cannot wait to get home to play this game.  Given that I have 3 TV's in my living room, the game might not last too long.  And I'm sure Nets rookie Corey Jefferson wants a do-over on this ill-advised three pointer.  It could possibly be the worst attempt at 3 points I've ever seen.  He's a professional getting paid over a half million dollars.

Fox Sports on Clancy Pendergast, Prepare To Come Unglued

Bruce Feldman posted a puff piece on behalf of strangely unemployed Clancy Pendergast, and it will make USC fans blood boil.  The fact that he has been out of a job this entire season just goes to show how dumb the conventional wisdom of the football world truly is.  He is everything you could want out of a DC.  He's literally a consultant for going against the spread, renowned for his in-game adjustments, and he says getting after the QB is paramount.  He got fired after taking the Cardinals to the fucking SuperBowl, while holding the Steelers under 300 yards.  It's worth the read.

FIRE WILCOX

Doug Gottlieb Tells It Like It Is

I laughed when I saw this tweet last night.  After talking with a buddy going to the Lakers game yesterday, I joking asked for an over/under on "I Can't Breathe" shirts.  His direct response was, "If Kobe is wearing one, I'll be furious."  I'm sure he isn't too upset after the victory.  Kobe finished with 32 points, only 31 behind Michael Jordan for 3rd most points all-time.  It's only a matter of time before white America turns their back on these hypocrite NBA millionaires, so I'm sure Adam Silver is going to put some sort of stop to it.  If I was him, I would fine all of the players wearing one while promising all of the proceeds to Eric Garner's family.  Win win, and they go away.  I'd love to know how long this tweet was up before Gottlieb deleted it.  I also wonder if it was his decision or CBS.

In Honor Of The Sons Of Anarchy Finale - Here's The Kill Chart

This chart was incredibly well-done, but I can't remember when Opie got beaten to death in prison.  Somehow that got left off.  I thought Jax went off the rails after his death, but nothing compares to this season after Tara was killed.  Tonight should be fun.

Packers Fans Are Dumb

This picture of Packers fans grilling & tailgating at a gas station says a lot about the collective brainpower of the locals in Green Bay.  And I laughed when I saw this picture of Billary.

 

And tell me this fox doesn't know exactly what he's doing.

Central Michigan Bowl Game Reveal Is Amazing

I can only image how little these players wanted to play a bowl game in Detroit.  Just a hilarious video all the way around.  And it reminded me of Ohio University getting all-black jerseys.

College Football Playoff Committee - Year 1 in Review

The College Football Playoff Committee just finished up their inaugural season, and it appears most people think they got it right.  They didn't.  Baylor got fucked.  Ohio State lost to a 6-6 team at home.  Baylor lost on the road to a solid West Virginia team.  Keep in mind, West Viriginia was Alabama's best win of the season until 3 weeks ago.  And Baylor had the best win of anyone in the top 5.  The Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby should've been fired on the spot for not naming Baylor as the outright champion.  Art Briles basically tried to do it himself. 

Then Bowlsby went on Dan Patrick today and said that TCU should've been the team in the top 4.

Seriously Bob, what in the fucking fuck??  Your conference has 2 teams with one loss, and you would've chosen the team that lost the head to head matchup?  What fucking planet do you live on?  In the end, I guess it's the Big 12's fault for not having a 13th game, which coincidentally they can't since NCAA rules demand leagues have at least 12 teams for a championship game.  Gotta love conference realignment.  I bet Houston & BYU (sorry McElwain-less CSU) are licking their chops at the massive dowries they're about to receive for joining the Big 12 conference.  Or maybe they'll change the rules to allow 10 team leagues to have a championship game, but this isn't an SEC problem, so don't hold your breath.

The worst part of all of this is Ohio State.  They have the worst loss of anyone in the top 15.  They are on their 3rd string quarterblack (sorry Allie).  The Big 10 has 10 teams headed to bowl games, and they are the underdog in ALL 10 BOWLS.  Think about that.  The Big 10 is a shell of its former self, and Urban Meyer was still able to weasel his way into the playoff.  One has to wonder if Barry Alvarez had his Wisconsin Badgers intentionally lose the championship game in order to help the conference as a whole.  If Ohio State is somehow able to beat Alabama, the Big 10 will be able to ride that horse for years.

The only takeaway from Year 1 - The week to week rankings are completely fucking useless. 


PS - I know I've commented on how the trophy looks like a vagina before, but even then I thought it was all one big trophy.  Only now do I realize that there are in fact 2 vaginas and a dick as well.

Weekend Roundup

The highlight of the weekend had to be Allie LaForce with her "quarterblack" gaffe.  I understand that the term "Quarterback Blake" is a little bit of a tongue-twister, but regardless Allie needs to figure it out if she ever hopes to be Erin Andrews.

And Elton John falling out of a chair at a tennis match is worth 1,000 loops.

I Can't Stop Watching Tiger Woods Chunk These Chips #HeroWorldChallenge

Tiger Woods finished dead last today in his own golf tournament, the Hero World Challenge at Isleworth Golf & Country Club.  He claimed last place by 4 strokes after day 1 firing a smooth 77, with consecutively chunked chips on 13 & an extra one for good measure on 17.

 Keep practicing.

Monta Ellis Traveled Last Night

I actually saw a tweet this morning that said "Who cares if Monta Ellis traveled?"  Deadspin had a headline calling the buzzer beater  "Bananas."  What's bananas is that the fucking ref didn't blow the whistle on the most obvious traveling call of all time.  You simply cannot perform a spin move, then a fall away jumper without putting the ball on the ground.  You can easily count the 3 steps directly in front of the ref.  I probably saw the replay 20 times last night, and it bothered me more with each successive one.  Even Dwyane Wade thinks that's a travel.

2014 USC Delta Gamma Big Night Video Here To Ruin Your Day

Josh Groban Singing Kanye West Tweets

Singing the innermost thoughts of the most narcissistic person in the world will never get old.

The Best Pictures from the Laker Girls Lunch Date

Nick Offerman's My Tales of Whisky

Cat Game "Meow" Interviews Will Always Be Funny

It's sorta like "Fuck Her Right In The Pussy" in that I will always get amusement from completely ruining any sort of live newscast. Ray Kaunisto of the ECHL did a commendable job getting 7 meows into one 40 second intermission interview.  I remember watching ESPN with Falcons safety Thomas DeCoud gradually getting more confidence as the interview goes on.  The end is the best.

Most definitely.  Thank you.  MEOW!

Ryan Fitzpatrick Math Trick Explained

I knew someone would eventually tweet out the simple trick to Ryan Fitzpatrick's son Brady's advanced multiplication quiz for the media, so thank you Andrew Siciliano.  At first, I just thought he was starting at 8100, then figuring out the rest.  Instead, it's just a math nerd formula that no one will ever need and/or use.  At least it was cute.

Perfect Weekend 2014 Recap

This is exactly how I felt watching UCLA lose on Friday.  Perfect Weekends are difficult to come by, so it was extremely fulfilling to get one during Thanksgiving and our last weekend before the bowl game.  I can't believe how long Notre Dame was able to hang on this season before such an epic collapse to 7-5.  In all honesty, after UCLA was bounced from the Pac-12 Championship game and any outside chance to back into the playoff, I didn't much care how Saturday went.  Dismantling Notre Dame's defense on our first 6 possessions reminded me of 50-0 & UCLA's all-white uniforms.  That's always a good thing.  Instead of midget on a tricycle, Kevin Prince in UCLA's all-white uniforms will forever be running for his life in my Happy Place.

It gets even better when you take a look at some of the quotes coming out of UCLA.  Mora gave a laundry list of excuses including age, depth, recruiting, not enough time with the program, etc - only to follow that list up by saying, "These aren't excuses. These are just facts."  That made me laugh.  "It's brutal," said Jeff Ulbrich, defensive coordinator. "We're all crushed in a lot of ways."  "We had higher expectations than that, we disappointed this year" said Hundley.  "We wanted the Oregons and Stanfords, that was our motto, we figured this was the year. The reward we would have got for winning this game, it hurts," UCLA linebacker Myles Jack said.  Hundley was 0-6 vs. Oregon & Stanford in his career.  UCLA is 1-6 in games played a week or less after facing USC, and those losses were by an average of 18 points.  Going from visions of the playoff to spending New Years Eve in San Antonio for the Alamo Bowl definitely stings, and I love it.  I will never be able to read enough quotes about their hearts being ripped out.  And lastly here's a perfectly spiteful letter to the editor of the LA Times:

As season five of USC's sanctions comes to a close, what has UCLA accomplished in the years its main rival was on NCAA-mandated life support?

Have a 10-win season? Once, just like USC.

Finish with the best record in the Pac-12 South? Once, just like USC.

Win a bowl game? Once, just like USC.

Upset a top-10 team? Once, but USC did it twice.

Be ranked AP No. 1? Nope, but USC was.

Be ranked in the AP top 10? For four weeks, vs. USC's eight.

Win the conference championship? Nope.

Play in a BCS bowl? Nope.

Ban the USC drum major from stabbing the field in 2012? Yes!

Plant the UCLA flag midfield at the Coliseum in 2013? Yes!!

Deface the Arizona State logo in 2014? Yes!!!

Send an injured walk-on receiver to "protect the logo" last Saturday? Yes!!!!

Clearly, the standout accomplishment for UCLA football in the five seasons it had a chance to dominate the Pac-12 South was "protecting the logo."

When will the banner-raising ceremony for the "Undisputed Logo-Protecting National Champs 2012, 2013, 2014" be scheduled?

Dan Schwartz

Tempe, Ariz.

Scooby Wright Can't Get No Respect

 

A buddy just sent me this, and I had a few different reactions.  First, I fondly remembered Saturday's shellacking of Notre Dame's injury-depleted defense.  Then I got angry about what a crock of shit Manti Te'o's Heisman Trophy campaign had been just two years ago.  Nevermind Lenay Kekua.  Scooby Wright will most likely be an All-American, but he did not even make the list of finalists for the Butkus Award for the nation's best linebacker.  Maybe he'll be able to beat Oregon again, but I still doubt he would get his due credit for this remarkable season.  In other news, Mike Evans delivered one of the nastiest blocks I've seen from a wide receiver in a long time.

Soccer Sucks & Here's Recent Proof

Don't tase me bro Brazilian soccer prospect Adryan made an ass out of himself after this ridiculous flop/seizure over the weekend.  Someone needs to give this loser a few acting classes and get him to tone it the fuck down.  Fox Sports Live came on after the Kobe's triple-double, so I accidentally saw the LA Galaxy celebrating a loss.  That ass backwardsness immediately pulled me in for a closer look, and I wasn't disappointed.

Talk about the lamest playoff system ever conceived.  I don't understand why the MLS tried to reinvent the wheel.  MLS made the rules for advancement all about goals and not wins (or logic).   Considering that hockey is the closest comparison, can you imagine if teams advanced in the NHL playoffs based on how many goals they scored in total over the series, with goals on the road as the final tiebreaker?  Would it really be that hard to hard for a Galaxy vs. Sounders rubber match?  You might even be able to get a few people to watch if it isn't up against Sunday Night Football.  If the concern is about home-field advantage, then simply play the 3rd game at a neutral field.  I don't have the energy to explain more of the retarded formats the MLS has needlessly created, so follow this link for SB Nation's Beginner's Guide.