Michael Bay's 13 Hours Trailer On Benghazi

This looks pretty intense.  I wonder how Hillary will be made to look in this movie.

Mystery Pooper Targeting Norwegian Golf Course

HAFRSFJORD, Norway – The groundskeeper of a Norwegian golf course said a mystery pooper targeting course holes must be a man "because the poos are too massive to be from a woman."  Kenneth Tennfjord, groundskeeper at the Stavanger Golf Club, said he has been finding human feces and toilet paper in course holes since 2005.

"He has a couple of favorite holes," Tennfjord told the Rogaland Avis newspaper. "And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman.  He poos only on weekdays. On weekends I have never found poo on the golf course."  He said the fecal discoveries are usually accompanied by used toilet paper.

Steinar Floisvik, managing director of the club, said the mystery pooper used to arrive via bicycle.  "In the early morning dew we observed bicycle tracks on the course. Footsteps showed that he had done his business, and the bicycle tracks disappeared back the way they came," Floisvik said.

Frode Jormeland, another groundskeeper, said the club installed high-powered spotlights to discourage the defecation, but the poop-etrator disabled them. "He climbed up a tree next to the lights and wriggled far out on a branch and dismantled the spotlights. How he managed the feat without electrocuting himself or falling is a riddle," he said.

Floisvik said the pooper's motives are unknown.  "Our idea is that it could be someone who, for unknown reasons, hates the game of golf. Alternatively, the person may have a fetish or suffer from mental problems," he said.

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This story is top-5 all year.  It has everything - sexism over poo sizes, the "poop-etrator's" weekly schedule, Native American tracking techniques to determine the getaway vehicle as a bicycle,  Spiderman-like abilities to thwart anti-pooping precautions, and wild accusations as to the pooper's motives - including but not limited to a hatred of the game of golf.  That accusation is just lazy.  I absolutely love the game of golf, but not as much as I love a good goof.

Thankfully they let you know the poopetrator wiped, so you know he isn't totally insane.  Unlike me.

TEST - How Long Can You Stand Hillary Clinton Laughing?

This video is hilarious and perfect internet.  I don't know what's funnier - someone splicing together videos of Hillary's maniacal laugh or that they looped it over and over for TEN HOURS.  I lasted about 38 seconds, about the length of time it takes to realize the loop isn't as long as you hoped.  I wonder how long it would take for someone to kill themselves.  I'd rather be water-boarded.

ESPN's SEC Bias Trolling Is On Point Early

The SEC Bias streaming from ESPN started getting called out last season, and Chris Fowler got very defensive about it.  It is very much still a topic of conversation, and I think it contributed to ESPN losing nearly 4 million subscribers last year.  Those could simply be cord-cutters.  Ever since SportsCenter became LebronCenter, I stopped watching.  During the college football season, it becomes SECenter, and the rest of the country is fucking sick of it.  Just look at that laughable Top 10 - 6 SEC teams, Ohio State, Oregon, and unironically, the two teams that didn't make the playoff.  No FSU or Clemson.  No Michigan State.  No USC, Stanford, UCLA.  If Oregon had lost to Florida State in the CFP, Mississippi State would've made the 7th SEC team in the Top 10.  The SEC had 12 teams make bowls last year since they have bamboozled the rest of the country into one extra cupcake, but only of few of the bowl games had real opponents:

1. #23 LSU lost to Notre Dame 31-28 (USC just smashed ND by 35 points)
2. #9 Ole Piss curbstombed by #6 TCU 42-3
3. #7 Miss St. loses to #12 Georgia Tech 49-34
4. #19 Auburn lost to #18 Wisconsin 34-31 (Just after Ohio State beat Wisco 59-0)
5. #1 Alabama loses to #4 Ohio State 42-35

Never forget...

Japanese High School Baseball Player Makes Me Happy

I understand that this kid probably deserves a baseball to his ear for these antics at the plate given the unwritten rules of baseball, but I can't get over just how happy he is.  I'm not sure I've ever been this excited about anything in my life.  It actually makes me want to go jump around doing something I love.  Kinda the same feeling I got after this kid convinced me I could run through a wall.

@BeachChairSprts on Twitter

Milwaukee hero painted "Welcome To Cleveland" on his roof near the airport. #Goof http://pic.twitter.com/c41PlmGx4N

— Large Tuna (@BeachChairSprts) July 22, 2015

from Twitter https://twitter.com/BeachChairSprts

John Daly Is Right On The Cut Line, Fingers Crossed

The British Open is under way, and John Daly has clearly been the highlight of the championship this week.  The man, the myth, the legend reps his Loudmouth brand pants as well as anybody.  He was even quoted early this week saying, "I don't work out, I put out."  So he's a poet too.  Here he is this morning on the range, and the commentator literally cannot contain his laughter.

Todd McNair vs. NCAA Emails Finally Unsealed

The NCAA has literally been fighting tooth and nail to make sure these malice filled emails never saw the light of day.  Today ended all that, as you can see the most sensitive 256 pages here.  There is zero presumption of innocence from anyone on the committee other than Eleanor Myers.  Roscoe Howard, on his first case for the Committee on Infractions, was thus supposed to be a silent observer in the proceedings.  Rodney Uphoff was also supposed to be a non-voting observer, yet he drafted USC's entire list of trumped-up charges.  Mrs. Myers questioned whether or not Uphoff & Howard knew for a fact McNair was lying given their multiple inappropriate emails regarding the case.

Howard, one of the supposed "silent observers", then wrote a 4 page self-described "rant" about the case to all of the members of the committee - voting or non-voting.  The hateful and completely baseless smear campaign against McNair can be seen perfectly in this 4 page screed from Howard starting on page 197.  Some of his points include - Even though "lack of institutional control" cannot be leveled against an assistant coach, USC should have known.  He goes on to claim that USC's entire Athletic Department hid behind plausible deniability.  You see, if anyone at USC says "I don't know," it's because they don't want to know.  I'm pretty sure you could say this about every single fucking thing Obama has been guilty of over the last 7 years, but you still can't fucking prove it.  That's the fucking point.  "McNair should have all inferences negatively inferred against him."  You see, he is not credible because he did not remember a phone call conversation from January 2006.  Except the committee got the year wrong and asked McNair about a January 2005 call that never existed.  His truthful claims of ignorance to a call that never existed make him "a hypocrite of the highest order." 

The fact that Notre Dame Assistant Athletic Director Missy Conboy didn't recuse herself entirely from the proceedings might be the most absurd part of the entire case.  Another kick in the gut was the initial suggested penalty of a 1-year postseason ban with a loss of 6 scholarships over 2 years.  Three and a half months later it was 2-year postseason ban with a loss of 30 scholarships over 3 years.  To this very day, USC is still being affected by the sanctions.  I downloaded a program called Mail Bomber that is going to flood Roscoe Howard, Rodney Uphoff, and Josephine Potuto with emails until they are forced to change addresses.  I figure it's the least I can do.

FWIW - The NCAA has credible reports and receipts from a non-felon "runner" showing that Alabama's DJ Fluker took $45,000 in impermissible benefits during their 2012 National Championship season.  It's a good thing I haven't been holding my breath waiting for the enforcement staff to take away their crystal ball.

So let's be clear - The Pac-12 should have known.  The SEC doesn't need to know.  Also, the "repeat violator" designation is funny 24 years later.

South Park's Take On Self-Identification

I fully expected to read news stories about shithead boys nationwide doing exactly what Cartman pulled in cornering the school over transgender bathroom rights.  Maybe because these stories would involve minors, they never get out to the real world.  The episode is strangely informative.

New Netflix Series Narcos Looks Incredible

A little more convincing than Vinny Chase in a fat suit...

Norm MacDonald Reminds Us Why The ESPYs Suck

I feel like I post this video every year, but like a fine wine, it simply gets better with age.  There are no sports today, unless your degenerate evil twin wants to bet on the WNBA.  The ESPYs cleverly pounced on this day, and now the best thing to bet on during essentially the longest day of the year are the Caitlyn Jenner prop bets.  Cleavage, dress color, will it or won't it cry, and speech length are all in play.  Either way, we all know it's going to be "courageous" unless you kill your wife and a waiter.

The Masters Rules For Commentating Are Fascinating

Darren Rovell posted this picture from the 33 rules the CBS commentators were given prior to the playing of The Masters in 1979.  Supposedly Gary McCord disobeyed the rules in 1994, and he has never broadcasted the event since.  These rules are fascinating to me.  Some could argue that these rules are merely semantics, but anyone who has ever heard Jim Nantz on Sunday at The Masters knows why they are in place.  There's just a softer tone to the greatest golf tournament in the world.  Then somebody posted this year's rules, and they didn't disappoint either.

Side Note - As if you needed any more reason to get excited about the British Open this week, John Daly, Miguel Angel Jimenez, and Jason Dufner are paired together for the first two rounds.  Cigars, cigarettes, Cabernet, (Diet) Cokes, crazy hair, crazier pants, and controversy surrounding the former Mrs. Dufner might be enough reasons to get me to watch.  I've already started stretching.

Morning Melons And Mozart With Sara X

Is 40 million views is too high or too low for this caliber of Youtube?

NBA Team Logo Evolution Is Awesome

And the Chicago Bulls are boring...

Japanese Game Show "Sing What Happens" Is Misnamed

It appears that "Sing What Happens" loosely translates to "The Handjob Competition."  I have a lot of questions about the game, none of which can be answered quickly or in English.  I don't know if the contestants have to be totally random off the street.  I don't know if the loser has to finish or gets blue balls.  I don't know why the dudes have to stare at each other, but it's a nice twist.  Either way, any video that allows me to bring back my favorite Japanese game show of all time is worth the blog.

Anybody Want To See Charlotte McKinney Nudes?

UPDATED - Here is the new link to the NSFW pictures - http://thefappening.so/charlotte-mckinney-for-instagram-5-photos/

You may want to save thefappening.so into your bookmarks somewhere, as #TheFappening2015 is starting to ramp up.  The first two pics are stupid, as that is not her flabby stomach.  The blurry pic is clearly Charlotte McKinney.  And I'm choosing to believe that's her bleached asshole.

#IMissBarRafaeli
#NoMoreHopeSolo
#TeamSpookyGhost

PLEASE God Get Trump To At Least 1 Debate

Donald Trump's hilariously hateful comments on Rosie O'Donnell need to be brought back out of the archives.  The beginning is so comically perfect, "Well Rosie is a loser.  Rosie's been a loser for a long time."  Quintessential Trump.  He is going to be the highlight of the election season if we can only get him to keep his foot out of his mouth until the first Iowa caucus debate.  Here's to hoping.

I Am Chris Farley Documentary Trailer

Yes, Bob Saget, everybody is supposed to cry through this documentary.  As Lorne Michaels said, some people are just infuriatingly talented.  And here is the Tommy Boy gag reel for extra laughs.

Trump Press Release on ESPN & NASCAR Is Classic Donald

The first Republican national primary debate with Donald Trump is already appointment TV.  I'm glad Trump's politically incorrect comments have shed light on the immigration issue.  We would never have heard about Kate Steinle, the San Francisco woman gunned downed by a 7-time felon, 5-time deported illegal alien.  Anyone candidate who is going to run on the campaign of building a truly effective border fence has a better chance at getting the nomination than you would believe.

Darren Rovell Explained In One Picture

Darren Rovell is the kid who asks the teacher if they are collecting homework.  His tweets are acid in the eyes of the Twitterverse.  As if he is some talking calendar or retarded clock, Rovell's tweets are beyond inane.  I am not quite sure how Jared Fogle was able to keep his job as long as he has, but it probably has something to do with Subway's stable of athletes being complete dogshit - Apolo Anton Ohno, CC Sabathia, RGIII, and Ryan Howard. (Nevermind Mike Trout)

PS - I hope Jared got paid 3 times as much in 2012 for those extra years of work.

You Know I Hate Double Standards #FreeTheNipple

This is perfect, and also a very worthy cause.

In Honor Of Shark Week, Whoa!

That is the most up close and personal Great White Shark diving video I may have ever scene.  I don't know who was handling that GoPro, but I would not have been nearly that calm.  Nevermind the bitch screaming bloody murder in the background, this person wasn't even shaking.  A steady hand from a foot away from that Great White is commendable.  And a shootout to everyone in the Outer Banks - maybe just build a sandcastle over the long weekend.  This juvenile Great White just off the break in Huntington Beach is not terrifying at all.

#ProudOfBassett Would Never Happen For A Man's Own Goal

The hashtag #ProudOfBassett has been making the rounds since this extremely unfortunate own goal yesterday.  While it was an insanely unlucky own goal, the double standard of support bestowed on Laura Bassett is striking when compared to male soccer blunders.  Normally websites would link to tweets and blogs containing death threats and encouraging the player to kill themselves.  Buzzfeed's article is about the total outpouring of support for Laura Bassett.  In the famous 30 for 30 The Two Escobars, Andrés Escobar was literally murdered for the exact same thing 10 days after his return home from the World Cup in 1994.  Granted, there might have been a little more action on that game in 1994, and losing massive bets seems to rile people up a tad.

Can't Get Enough Of This Running Man Belly Flop

Colin Cowherd Cuts Off Awkward Jim Harbaugh Interview

If Jim Harbaugh had said something as vicious as his response tweet below during the interview, I might have actually been on his side.  But that interview with Harbaugh made my skin crawl.  I love that Cowherd threw him off the air.  He wasn't giving anything but nothing or one-word answers, and he absolutely deserved to get run.  But like I said, I wish this tweet was a quote during the interview, not after Harbaugh saw how terribly he came off.