Madison Bumgarner's Wife Is A Real Looker

 

Congratulations to these high school sweethearts for the $220mil contract he is going to sign in 2018.  I just hope he doesn't pull a Russell Wilson on Mrs. Bumgarner right before he gets paid.  She's probably really nice.

Chevy Guy Does Office Space Hypnotist Impression

We decided to watch a movie last night after the Giants closed out the Royals in Game 7 of the World Series, but then Twitter came alive with Chevy Guy love/hate.  All I could hear throw Rikk Wilde's heavy breathing, heart attack inducing 45 second spot was the hypnotist from Office Space dying.  Eerily similar.  Although it appears that Madison Bumgarner had already met with quite a few relaxation therapists.

Jose Canseco Shoots Off His Own Finger

People that have been with BCS from the beginning know that Jose Canseco is one of my all-time favorite trainwrecks.  He's such a fucking moron, it's truly amazing just waiting for his next idiotic mishap.  When he isn't getting sued for defamation from just about every major leaguer from the late 80's and 90's, he's getting pulled over with fainting goats in diapers shitting all over his backseat.  But even that can't hold a candle to this imbecile's most recent exploit.  While cleaning one of his 4 guns in the kitchen of his Vegas home last night, he shot off his left middle finger.  Gun safety is pretty easy as long as you have enough brain power to fog a mirror, but Can'tseco is even too retarded to check the chamber after releasing the clip.  I doubt he's going to be trying out for many more minor league teams without his most important finger for the haters. 

In other news, the Texas A&M helmets made to look like leatherheads are really sweet.

Kobe Calling Howard Soft Is As Hateful As Kobe Gets

Reports are that Kobe called Howard a "Teddy Bear" & "Soft" all while daring Dwight to "try me."  There is nothing in the world I would've loved to have seen last night than Kobe beating the ever-loving shit out of that colossal pussy.  I'm watching this gif of Kobe calling him soft all day.

Charles Barkley "There Are A Lot Of Black People Who Are Unintelligent"

Charles Barkley was on a Philadelphia radio show when he was asked his opinion on the allegations Russell Wilson wasn't black enough.  Barkley had some profound comments that I'll simply leave here in their entirety.

"We as black people are never going to be successful, not because of you white people, but because of other black people. When you are black, you have to deal with so much crap in your life from other black people.  For some reason we are brainwashed to think, if you're not a thug or an idiot, you're not black enough. If you go to school, make good grades, speak intelligent, and don't break the law, you're not a good black person. It's a dirty, dark secret in the black community.  There are a lot of black people who are unintelligent, who don't have success. It's best to knock a successful black person down because they're intelligent, they speak well, they do well in school, and they're successful. It's just typical BS that goes on when you're black, man."

And that meme of "Kim K's married more people than Ebola has killed" was lame.  Upgraded.

Déjà Vu For USC at Utah

While I’m excited to wear my FIRE WILCOX t-shirt to the Cal game in couple Thursdays, I feel like my anger might be misplaced.  Steve Sarkisian has completely lost the USC fanbase.  The level of coaching ineptitude being discussed at my airport gate in Salt Lake City was staggering.  Everybody I talked to had a different hateful take on a separate, awful Sark’s decision.  The most egregious coaching mistake I’ve seen since the ASU debacle was the 3^rd Down & 2 late in the game.  Given the 25 mph headwind, kicking a 45 yard field goal was clearly out of the question.  Anyone that doesn’t understand that doesn’t understand physics.  Since we were clearly in 4 down territory, you have to run the ball on 3^rd down, not only because you just should, but also because you have to make Utah use their last timeout.  This is elementary school game/clock management, and Sarkisian clearly doesn’t have the brainpower to understand any of this.  I’ve literally seen children understand the clock in Madden better than Sark.  He’s fucking dumb.  Instead, Utah was given the ball back with a timeout they never should’ve had, making it even more difficult on Wilcox’s gassed defense by not only needing to guard the sidelines.  Don’t take this in any way as me giving Wilcox’s laughable prevent defense a pass.  He’s so unbelievably in over his head, it’s truly hard to put into words.

The officiating was predictably terrible.  The officials allowed the lateral on the second play of the game to continue without a whistle, granting them a touchdown that was unable to be overturned by a replay they didn't have.  But to all of our great surprise, the officials blew Adoree Jackson’s forced fumble and recovery dead instead of watching his 2nd 100+ return TD of the game.  Funny how that works.  Leonard Williams and Scott Felix were tackled no less than 3 times each, but Utah did not have a single solitary holding penalty versus USC’s stout defensive line.  How’s that possible you may ask?  It’s simple – Fuck USC and the horse they rode in on.  The screengrab above of Utah’s final touchdown with 8 ticks left, and it was a carbon copy of the play Notre Dame got flagged for last week.  I wouldn’t have thrown a flag on either play, as these rub routes happen all the time.  But it still needs to be pointed out that he is clearly illegally blocking before the ball is out.

And now for the Sarkisian apologists. My buddies and I have a group chat about USC Football, and I am seriously considering disbanding the group (I’m the admin) after the excuses being thrown around. Comparisons to Pete Carroll’s 6-6 first season are comical to me. Not only did USC progress throughout the 2001 season, but Carroll had far inferior athletes. We also came out and played better in the 2nd halves throughout that season. How’s your confidence coming out of halftime this season? Sark’s team has regressed to the point that players like George Farmer are left at home for bitching about play-calling and lack of playing time. Can you blame him? Telfer was wide open the entire game, and he was only targeted once for 21 yards. I shudder to think of the 700 yards Connor Halliday is going to hang on Wilcox next Saturday. Leach is going to pick our young secondary apart even worse than Arizona State’s backup already did. On an unfortunate note, left tackle Chad Wheeler tore up his left knee, but now I don’t have to worry about him hauling ass from this dumpster fire of a coaching staff. Small victories.

And putting a GoPro on a bottle of Fireball at a wedding is genius.  The fake swigs make me laugh.

Leaving For Mormonland Today

I'm headed to Salt Lake City today to visit my sister and hopefully watch a Trojan victory late Saturday night.  I'm literally going gun shopping as soon as I land, since California's ultra-lib gun laws make it impossible here.  On an unrelated note, there's some new phone app called PhotoMath, and as you can see, high school teachers are fucked.  I thought cheating on my TI-83 was some next level deception, but I guess this app should only ruin homework from this day forward.  And PK Subban of the Montreal Canadiens is currently in the lead for best Halloween costume.