Dan Patrick To Host "Sports Jeopardy!"

The best news of the week came this morning when Dan Patrick announced on his radio show that he will be hosting a new TV show, "Sports Jeopardy!"  Since he already works for NBC Sports, I'm not really sure how he can go work with ABC at the drop of a hat.  It might be produced by Sony supposedly.  Regardless, all sports fans miss Stump The Schwab on ESPN, so I really can't wait for the better execution of a great idea.  DP has been talking about taking over Trebek's job as long as I've been listening to his radio show, and this is clearly the first step.  It'll be interesting to see the different age groups compete against each other.  And I think it is going to be difficult, but at least we don't have to watch answers like these anymore.

Things That Made Me Laugh This Week

It's 85 degrees here in Hermosa Beach, so it's absolutely sizzling in Rancho Cucamonga right now.  And there's a fire raging.  Shirtless Casanova doesn't care.  He doesn't beat around the bush at all, and I can't really blame him.  Might be hottest reporter sent into danger since Serene Branson.  I just wish I had half this guy's confidence with women.  She loved it too.  It totally through her off her game.  Spike Lee & Jim Carrey fooling around at a Rangers game is pretty funny.  All 3 Game 7's tonight should be scary physical.

 

Staying with hockey, I loved the Minnesota Wild fans heckling Semyon Varlamov with his mugshot for beating up his girlfriend in October.  Friendlier confines in Denver tonight for Game 7.

And then Twitter was alive this morning regarding Jameis Winston's citation for stealing crab legs from a Publix in Tallahassee this morning.  It's shellfish of him to steal, especially such a low-bisque, high reward item.  Not funny?? Damn it.

I said, "Are you strong?" They said, "I'm strong if you strong." Then I said, "We strongly need to boost these crab legs."  - Jameis Winston

Adam Silver Takes Donald Sterling To The Wood Chipper

The new commissioner of the NBA, Adam Silver, announced today that Donald Sterling is banned for life from the NBA and will be assessed a $2.5mil fine from the league for his racist remarks in the privacy of his own home.  Silver also said he needs 22 votes from the other 29 owners (75% Supermajority) in order to force Donald Sterling to sell the Clippers.  Everyone knows that this harsh of a punishment means that the courts will be heavily involved.

I have quite a few takes on this whole situation.  Donald Sterling needed to be banned for life, so I'm happy for the Clippers players that he is gone.  His history of discrimination speaks for itself.  In regard to the $2.5 million, I know for a fact the NBA will never see one red cent of that fine.  Sterling was literally just days away from receiving his 2ND lifetime achievement award (what?) from the NAACP chapter in Los Angeles.  Donald Sterling would die before he laid down to be railroaded into a fine for his private opinions in a private conversation.  He's going down swinging, especially since this case is as easy as a 1st Amendment case gets.  The NBA ousted him essentially because of his thoughts, which is far from legal in even the loosest sense of wrongful termination.  His gold digger, V. Stiviano, is going to end up in jail for illegal wiretapping, defamation, and extortion.  That is if Sterling doesn't just kill her first.  I would if I was him.  Shelly Sterling, Donald's still current wife, is going to end up running the Clippers for the year or two it actually takes for this to play out in court.

The smartest thing Adam Silver did was basically make this an NBA owner's problem going forward.  In theory, I bet the NBA bylaws say that any such vote for removal would be confidential, but no owner would/could risk a vote in favor of Sterling that would surely be leaked.  You would need 8 owners to abstain from voting in order for the ousting to fail, and I don't see that happening.  Abstaining is almost an admission of guilt to some unknown skeletons in your closet, so I see that as pretty unlikely.  Yesterday Mark Cuban called it a slippery slope to oust an owner in this manner, but I think he was just covering his own ass.  He came out strongly in favor of Silver's decision today.  I'm really just excited for Donald Sterling to go out in a hail of gunfire dragging the NBA down with him.  And imagine if they make him sell to Magic.

UPDATE -- I just saw that the NBA Player's Association released a statement after Silver's announcement claiming the players were going to boycott the playoff games tonight.  This was basically everyone's collective reaction to that laughable bullshit.

Are You Ready To Buy Stock In Your Favorite Athlete?

NBC News - Fantex, a brokerage based in San Francisco, offered 421,000 shares of San Francisco 49ers' star tight end Vernon Davis to the public Monday, making him the first-ever publicly traded athlete. Davis' "initial public offering" was priced at $10 per share.

In exchange for $4 million upfront, Davis agreed to sign over 10 percent of his future earnings to Fantex. As those earnings grow from contracts, endorsements and other "brand" income sources, investors receive dividends, the brokerage's co-founder and CEO, Buck French, told CNBC on Monday.

Although I have no desire to buy stock in this cry-baby bitch, Fantex better let me know when Russell Wilson's IPO is coming to market.  It would be really interesting if you could speculate on the total amount and years the Seahawks end up extending him before the 2015 season.  Another intriguing athlete would be Mike Trout, but since his contract is guaranteed, his stock upside would have to revolve around his endorsements & overall marketability.  On a much more serious note, here is a well-endowed woman jogging with a GoPro from a woman's point of view.

Donald Sterling Continues To Amaze

Through a fortunate course of events, I already talked about Donald's Sterling's racist past this week here at BCS.  His half black, half Mexican girlfriend V. Stiviano released this illegal recording to TMZ in retaliation for Sterling's ex-wife's lawsuit against her.  Sterling's comments are a new low for someone with a long history of extremely racist and discriminatory comments.  The gems on the record during the deposition for his lawsuit in 2002 for discriminatory housing practices are the most offensive (also my favorites).  Then I saw Snoop Dogg had a few words for the Clippers' owner.  People are calling for Chris Paul & Blake Griffin to not take the floor in a protest against the owner, but I think Adam Silver will probably address this before it gets that far.

Lots Of Stuff Going Into The Weekend

I laughed at this video twice yesterday before a buddy sent it to me this morning.  That's reason enough for me to throw it up here.  I can't tell if my favorite part of the video is the conviction in his answer or the woman in the audience who starts furiously clapping for the answer.  Then I heard Jeff fucking Samardzija called out baseball players for taking "crummy seven or eight year deals," saying he was going to hold out for a longer deal in Chicago in order to "help the future generations of players."  Think about how absurd that is.  Jeff Samardzija is 29-37 as a starter in Major League Baseball with an ERA over 4.  What sort of deal does he think those numbers command?  Theo Epstein might as well let him walk right now.  No one would ever want someone with that lack of self-awareness in an analytical locker room.  Then Doc Rivers calling Chris Paul "Cliff" in the post-game presser made me smile.  State Farm's marketing department should pop champagne.

Then I saw Bernie Kosar was in the news for saying that he got fired from his CBS Cleveland broadcasting job for his slurred speech.  While I considered his last decade or so of a drunken stupor culminating in a DUI last October, I thought this was a very logical reason for CBS to go in a different direction.  Bernie is claiming now that his slurred speech is from CTE and his repeated concussions - everybody's favorite buzzword and catchall for all the problems of broke ex-NFL stars - not his documented alcoholism.  He probably didn't sign onto the class action, and this is step one in his forthcoming lawsuit against the NFL.  And in other news, this video of a baseball being crushed under 100,000 lbs of force is fun to watch.

Dan Bilzerian Tries To Kill Hooker

This video is not safe for work, but what is these days.  I had visions of this hooker breaking both of her ankles like the chick in the video below.  I'm truly curious what it would be like to pay random sluts to hang around my mansion, poker table, cat, cars, and guns in Hollywood all day long.  He may have had to tip this one a little extra for nearly killing her, but I'm just not sure how the whole money thing gets worked out with escorts.

Nick Young Should NOT Quit His Day Job

This is the second worst first pitch I've ever seen.  John Wall's will be nearly impossible to beat in my mind, but this is very close to as bad.  I would be too embarrassed to walk to the dugout if I did something like this.  I would walk out the bullpen gate in left straight out to the parking lot ashamed.  But then again, I would throw a low and away fastball that catches the corner.  And this video cracked me up years ago, so the music remix was the perfect touch.

The Most Interesting Golfer In The World

I just saw this post on Memes for the World's Most Interesting Golfer on PGATour.com.  I understand that they have to keep them somewhat PC, but those are some of the softest memes I've ever seen.  I decided to try my hand at memes for The Most Interesting Golfer In The World.

And here's his warmup routine that all of you want/need to see.

Drake Is Too Easy To Make Fun Of

Please do not forget to turn on the sound of this Vine.  Scroll over the top left corner for an additional laugh at Drake's expense.  He literally busted out a lint roller courtside at a Raptors playoff game.  #ThugLife

And this manager being mic'ed up for his ejection is hilarious.  I love when he doubles back to make sure that none of his players help pick up the mess.

Lots of Random Stuff Today

Gin & Juice might be my favorite Snoop Dogg song of all time, so you really couldn't have asked for a better choice.  Brian Williams even came on The Tonight Show to address the raps and how it's all anyone asks him about now.  Last night I saw this picture of a quote from a Donald Sterling deposition and I spit up my water.  Donald Sterling has a long history of extremely racist comments, but this is the first one of a sexual nature that I've gotten to enjoy.

 

I also really enjoyed scrutinizing Phil Jackson's dreadful coaching tree.  Steve Kerr is about to get the Knicks job with no coaching experience.  He went 155-91 as GM of the Suns, but that's not really the same thing.  He did cut Mike Dantoni loose after just one year, which is more than I can say for the Lakers.

 

Dougie McBuckets calling out a hater on Twitter made me laugh.  

And Delino DeShields Jr. is going to be eating from a straw for the next few weeks after taking a 90mph pitch to the face.  That looks like it might've hurt.

Pictures Of The Day

This total bro at the Boston Marathon had the best chest hair art I've ever seen.  You can't really compete with that.  And look at the newly proposed padding for the baseball pitcher's helmets.  I'll  be shocked the first time I actually see someone wearing this clownish atrocity.

Easter Sunday Awesomeness

I laughed my ass off at the Easter Bunny taking out 4 of the 5 runners in the Nationals President's Race.  Baseball gimmicks work better on me than they should and definitely more so than any other sports' TV timeout antics.  And here is just another reason every NBA fan actually wishes Gregg Popovich was their coach.  It was truly touching watching Pop show his true colors like this.  Hopefully Craig Sager can beat Leukemia and be an eyesore on the sidelines soon.

Morning Melons & Happy Easter from Kate Upton

Kate Upton was quoted on Sunday saying, "I wish I had smaller boobs every day of my life."  Please let me know when you hear a bigger crock of shit, because I am always in need of a good laugh.  That she is even allowed to say such retarded things just points to how little we actually think of our supermodels.  How's this Kate - I'll undergo sexual reassignment surgery the same day you get a breast reduction.  And I won't be holding my breath.

Do You Think Lebron Would Play?

Ryan Getzlaf took a puck to the face in the closing minutes of Game 1 two nights ago.  This is what his face looks like now as he prepares for Game 2 tonight at the Pond.  I just love that it's a foregone conclusion he's playing tonight, and everyone treats this injury like nothing but a mere flesh wound.  His playoff beard is going to be even more awesome with the stitches popping out from underneath.  Let's just hope he doesn't get a leg cramp like King James.

Is Nina Agdal Perfect?

It's rare that I get turned on watching women's basketball.  In fact, last night might've been a first for me.  Nobody that hot should be blessed with that much athleticism as well.  Leave something for the rest of us, Nina.

NHL Hockey Playoffs Video Intro

This video from Hockey Night in Canada last night is the reason I get excited for the NHL Playoffs.  Just perfect from top to bottom.  It'll never touch my go-to favorite "No Words," but nothing will.

How To Poop At Work

The "Out of the Closet Pooper" can be a lot more discreet now that smartphones are so much better than a newspaper.  Also, my "Camo Cough" game is on point.

Teemu Selanne's Victory Lap

Teemu Selanne played his final regular season game on Sunday at the Pond, and he was given all of the respect he deserves as one of the NHL's greats.  Teammates kept feeding him the puck, fans cheered every time he took the ice, and even my personal favorite Paul Kariya made an appearance.  After the game, Selanne was named as all 3 Stars of the Game, shook the hands of the Avalanche, took an emotional lap around the ice, and even got "Giggy With It" with old teammate Jean-Sebastien Giguere for a final lap around the ice.  Pretty awesome moment for both of them.

Hopefully the Ducks can secure Selanne another championship starting tonight with the first game of the playoffs versus the 8th seed Dallas Stars.  I'll be at the Pond in spirit, but I'll actually be right behind the Angels dugout across the street for another bullpen collapse.

Nantz / Finch Impersonation

I've still saved this voice note from a Masters-obsessed buddy from all the way back in 2007 or 2008.  I don't know if I've ever laughed so hard at my phone in my entire life.  Like the rest of you, I'm not really even pretending to work today, as I've just has the Masters stream playing in the bottom corner of my screen all day.  I saw this receipt from the concessions stand at Augusta, and it really didn't surprise me much.  There is absolutely nothing down there that isn't on point.

Pictures of the Day

Alex Ovechkin crushed his 50th goal so hard off the post last night that he actually dented vulcanized rubber.  That's an absurd amount of power.  DeAndre Jordan decided to play the 1st Quarter of last night's game with gum he was saving for later stuck to the back of his neck.

And this picture of USC football recruit David Sills with Matt & Cole Leinart somewhere in Manhattan Beach surprised me.  I just cannot believe how old that kid is.

Afternoon Melons with Arnold Palmer

There is a reason they call Arnie "The King," and that blonde to his left is about to find out why.  I'm basically just sitting here waiting for that top button to give out.  But seriously, can someone get me one of Arnie's 1970's 5-button collared shirts already?  They are literally all he wears, and I have never seen one for sale. (Lightbulb)

And I just saw this graphic on Twitter.  While I normally agree with everything Phil Steele says, there is no way Oregon should be ranked that high.  The Ducks are going to lose to Michigan State, UCLA, and Stanford, so I don't really understand his #3 love for them.

Every year Chip Kelly is gone, that program will gradually dip closer to Pac-12 mediocrity.  I then took a look at UCLA's schedule, and it looks pretty rough as well.  Finishing the season with Arizona, Washington, USC, and then Stanford is pretty daunting.

Team MMA Scares Me

Do you ever find yourself watching a UFC fight and think "this just isn't crazy/gnarly enough?"  No??  Well now you will.  This is absolute mayhem.  Once a fighter taps out or a referee stops a one-on-one fight, the winning fighter is then allowed to double-team an opponent.  It's sorta like dodgeball, except there clearly isn't a line that you can't cross.  I'm surprised they even allowed all 5 fighters to take shots at the last guy who was already in the fetal position.  Sign me up!

Bartolo Colon Makes Me Laugh

The classic belly jiggle.  Love it.  And I also loved Lebron not getting a call he would normally get last night.  As you can see from the gif of the play, Plumlee clearly got ball first.  I hate when people say the hand is part of the ball, but it definitely is when you get ball first.

I understand why Lebron was upset, as 99% of the time he would get that call in the closing seconds of a game.  But I really enjoyed this whiny tirade and defiant walk back to the court to complain, as if anyone was going to change the call and/or put time back on the clock.  Straight up delusional.  We'll see if Adam Silver makes the refs give Lebron every call come playoff time.

Reflections on the NCAA Tourney

No one really explained to me why disgraced, admitted cheater Chris Webber is allowed to don a replica Michigan jersey (so no royalties) in an NCAA sanctioned commercial.  I simply jumped over to Webber's Wikipedia page, and I literally laughed out loud.

"In that scandal, Webber received over $200,000 from a local booster while playing basketball for Michigan. Webber was convicted of perjury and banned from any affiliation with the Michigan program until 2013."

And there it is.  Fresh off his banishment, Webber jumped on his first opportunity to actually market himself.  The Sacramento Kings never did him any favors.  Neither did Robert Horry, but that's neither here nor there.  I just don't understand how the NCAA has the total lack of self awareness to allow a cheater to represent the NCAA brand while clearly keeping Michigan from sharing in the revenue from Burger King.  It's almost TOO hypocritical.

Then in the 2nd Half of tonight's NCAA Championship, degenerate gambler Jim Nantz said the 2nd Half spread of UConn +1.5 going into a commercial break instead of the actual score.  I can't be the only person that heard this.  I just want to know who he has this week in the Masters.

Daddy Daughter Monday

A father took a Vine of his Saturday mornings for 3 months, and it's worse than you could imagine.  Considering the fact that I'm obviously going to be cursed with only daughters, the foreshadowing of my impending Saturdays does not bode well for my sanity.  And this picture of Gene Chizik at his daughter's pre-Prom picture session is beyond classic.

Bill Burr On Not Getting Married & Alimony

This made my morning.

The REAL Most Interesting Man in the World

I'll admit it.  I have an extra large man-crush on Elon Musk.  60 Minutes did a profile (below) on him this week that included mostly stuff I already knew, but it referenced a couple different documentaries that I had never heard of.  I haven't yet but I'm excited to watch Revenge of the Electric Car on Netflix.  The video above is from Bloomberg, and the simplicity of Solar City makes the viewer feel downright stupid.  I know I did.  In this article from a new TV Show screening of "Silicon Valley," Elon Musk has some amazing quotes about Hollywood perceptions of Silicon Valley.  His love of Burning Man is awesome, but not as awesome as this quote - "I've lived in Hollywood 12 years, and I've never been to a fucking good party."  What's not to love?

I'm highly jealous of Marshall School seniors this year.

The World Versus UCLA Athletes

I haven't laughed at SportsCenter in awhile, mainly because I don't watch that much of it anymore, but it got me to thinking.  Is everybody that has ever attended UCLA a total scumbag?  The current headline story is about mediocre UCLA linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo claiming that Saban & the Dolphins questioned his commitment and let him go due to his paternity leave.  Could it be possible that your average of 25 tackles per year in the NFL was as bad as it sounds?  Vontaze Burfict has more tackles in 2 years than Ayanbadejo had in a fucking decade.

This is the exact same "woe is me" attitude that Chris Kluwe used earlier this year to claim the Vikings cut him due to his gay rights activism.  The real reason that Kluwe was cut, as I have mentioned before, is because he ignored how easily replaceable he was.  The Vikings had enough issues without some mediocre punter making headlines in the wrong section of the newspaper.  I just hope the NFL Network doesn't feel the need to bring such a self-important blowhard aboard.

But I'm not finished.

Also in the last week, UCLA has been accused of 2 separate NCAA violations.  First, to all of our collective shock, it was revealed in court documents that while at UCLA, Shabazz Muhammad's father secured a loan based on Shabazz's future earnings.  This is as a clear of an NCAA violation as they come, and it is ON RECORD. 

Then on Tuesday, in a situation all too familiar to USC fans, a spurned agent alleged he paid Tyler Honeycutt and his family upwards of $55,800 while at UCLA in order to sign his as a client when he declared.  Please remember that this allegation is not coming from a convicted felon, but from a respected agent in the industry with pictures and documentation.  It's a pretty good read actually if you follow the link above.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "UCLA deserves a Lack of Institutional Control penalty far more than USC ever did," but you are forgetting the most important thing - UCLA AD Dan Guerrero is thick as thieves with the NCAA.  He was chair of the Mens Division I Basketball Committee in 2010 and his is the current chairman of the National Association of Collegiate Directors of Athletics.

Don't hold your breath for a time when The Cocksuckers will be held accountable for any of this.

Gif & Picture of the Week

This gif of Matt Adams pushing off a fan for robbing him of an out is perfect.  He gives him a light shove, and the fan proceeds to taunt him with the ball.  Very well played, but I genuinely take issue with bringing the glove at all.  It's a little more acceptable in the front row on the railing, but still.  And this kid blowing chunks all over the speech contest podium is amazing, but in all seriousness, when did podiums go up to 8th place?  They literally have a participation points podium.  This podium is why America isn't what it used to be. 

 

Is the 8th place medal made out of coal or aluminum?

Navy Seal Parachute Cam

I saw the Navy Seal Leap Frogs parachuted into Angels Stadium on Monday night, but here is the helmet cam of the same thing down at Petco Park.  I'm curious what the clicking sound was the whole time, and I think it must be the GoPro taking still photos while also taking video.  Just a guess.  And this dumb skank could only spell 3 out of 5 words correctly.  And I'm giving her credit for "is" and "a" so even that's a stretch.

I haven't thought about ChatRoulette in at least a year, but this made me laugh.

World Cup Ad, Ian Darke Narrates First Date

I wish any old British man narrated a play by play of my daily activities.