A Black Guy, a Priest, & a Rabbi...

 

That look at the end.

UCLA's Freddie Mitchell Gets 37 Months in Prison

Former UCLA Bruin Freddie Mitchell was sentenced to 37 months today for his role in a tax fraud scheme to defraud the government out of millions of dollars.  He was facing 10 years, but struck a deal with prosecutors and got off with only 37 months.  In other words, in typical Bruin-fashion, he rolled on his co-conspirators to save his own selfish ass.  He then claimed that concussions made him do it, and his sentence needed to be as light as possible to deal with his concussion-related issues.  Quite an obvious, hot button issue for him to grasp for wouldn't you say?

Hey Freddie - NOBODY TALKS, EVERYBODY WALKS.

Tiger Woods & EA Sports End Partnership

After 15 years, Tiger Woods and EA Sports are parting ways.  That also means that the game for this year has been cancelled rendering this cover art useless.  I wish we all got the chance to scramble like Seve Ballesteros, but we will most likely have to want until next year.  My guess is that Ricky Fowler or Bubba Watson gets the cover, but I will guarantee that Tiger's name is back on the game within 3 years of lagging sales.

Sam Steele Ponder as Wendy Peffercorn

Samantha Steele Ponder as Wendy Peffercorn is the fantasy of every red blooded male my age. Like Phoebe Cates to the generation before, and Princess Leia to the generation before that, this scene will always have a special place in our hearts.

Penn State Payouts

 
So I just read that Penn State settled 26 child abuse settlements for just under $60 million.  It is interesting to note that 6 claims were deemed as "being without merit."  Sandusky was convicted of molesting **ONLY** 10 boys in court.  I think it begs the question of how many of those extra 16 settlements are lying for free money.  I also guarantee one of those 6 "without merit" was so scarred from the abuse that he couldn't even give the details without causing further damage to himself.  It still bothers me that Uncle Jerry got protective custody rather than getting raped to death in gen pop.

USC vs. Utah Unfiltered

 

This video is quintessential Ed O, but skip to the 2:30 mark if you don't watch the whole thing.  The look of sheer joy on walk-on #87 Chris Willson's face with the other 10 walk-ons that played on Saturday is the difference between Ed O & Lane Kiffin.  That's all I needed to see.

Manziel Is The Man

Johnny Football was asked this weekend who are the top 3 people he most wants to party with.  It's a surprise to no one that his answers didn't disappoint.
 
1. Charlie Sheen
2. Gronk
3. Tiger Woods
 
That list is immaculate.  Here it is broken down.
 
1. Cocaine
2. Fist-pumping Bros
3. Sluts

USC, Celtics, Lakers, Life Legend Bill Sharman Dies at 87

The New York Times did a nice write-up on basketball legend Bill Sharman.  Some of his career highlights include being a double All-American at USC.  He was playing professional baseball for the Brooklyn Dodgers minor league system from 1950-55, simultaneously playing professional basketball for the Washington Capitals in 1950-51 and the Boston Celtics from 1951-1961.  He was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame as both a player and coach, and his accolades were too long so see below.  If all of that wasn't enough, he actually invented the shoot-around to burn off nervous energy before the game.  Oh yeah, and he fought in the Navy in World War II from 1944-46.

Fight On Forever Bill

Carlos Beltran's Mole

This is exactly how I felt watching Carlos Beltran's postgame interview.  You're not Cindy Crawford bro.  Cut that shit off.  That M&M stuck on your face is making me think you have a brain tumor.

Week 8 Betting Ticket

I realize that the Panthers already won, but I forgot to post these picks yesterday.  It was mainly because the Utah moneyline bet wasn't available for me until this morning. I need a good run this weekend, and I really like most of these picks.

Single Plays
Utah - Moneyline
USC-Utah - Under 53pts
Oklahoma -14½
Stanford -4
Baylor -35
Oregon -24
Chiefs -9
Panthers -7

Parlays
Stanford -4, Ohio State -14 (Teased ½), Panthers -7, Chiefs -9

How Baseballs Are Made

  

The World Series has been pretty entertaining thus far, but I'm kinda torn on who I should be rooting for.  On one hand, I have a $100 bet with a St. Louis buddy that the Angels win more championships during Pujols' 10-year deal than the Cards will win in the 10 years of the post-Pujols era.  On the other hand, I'm sick of Boston sports in general, in particular the Red Sox. Napoli is a sore spot for me, and that disgusting beard isn't helping.  So I guess go Cardinals, but I bet on the Sox in 6 games.

Seahawks Inflicting The Pain

I remember when Pete Carroll garnered the Trojan Hangover Effect at USC.  Teams would get trounced the week following the 2nd half demoralization they received at the hands of the Wild Bunch 2.  This is the reason why the Seahawks are the best team in the NFL.  Their opponents literally cannot win after getting mercilessly beaten for 60 minutes.  Monday is gonna get ugly in St. Louis.  Not as ugly as tomorrow at the Coliseum, but ugly nonetheless.

Morning Melons with Kate Upton

Wisconsin Buttercup

I love these stadium-wide singalongs more than anyone else.  I'm sorry if you're over them.

Triumph at a Beer Festival

Every single one of Triumph's pieces are amazing.  Enjoy.

PSA to Pat Haden

As long as the NCAA is allowed to hand down sanctions, a window that is rapidly closing, Kevin Bacon shows what it's like to be a USC fan.  Ohio St. has no gripe.  Their coach openly lied for a season and still conned the NCAA into allowing that Sugar Bowl farce.  Oregon should have gotten much worse for literally writing checks out of the athletic department to recruitment runners.  Penn State was raping children.  Miami was aborting stripper's fetuses, paying players in the locker room, providing houses, boats, drugs & hookers to players - all while the AD Paul Dee, coincidentally the head of the Committee on Infractions that told USC that we "should have known" about Reggie's stepdad in San Diego, was accepting checks from these very same boosters at midfield pregame.  35 total scholarships lost for these egregious violations at all of these schools combined in comparison to 30 for Reggie's shady stepdad.  Really let that sink in.

I just have one question for Pat Haden at this point, "What do you have to lose in suing the NCAA?" You can put off next year's 10 less scholarships for at least 2 years through litigation with any lawyer worth his salt.  Also, I was hoping that would be YOU.  During those 2 years, McNair's case will become public record and you will be able to show the multiple ways USC was maliciously attacked by the Committee on Infractions.  The new coach of USC will be able to take about 30 recruits to replenish this rapidly depleted team.  Would you rather the new coach hit the ground running or languish with less numbers (and wins) for 1 or 2 years?  It seems pretty cut and dry at this point. The NCAA has no legs to stand on for not reducing USC's sanctions, and they know it.  The fact that we need Mike Garrett back just so that someone will fight for our cause is mind-boggling to me.  Ed O'Bannon started the destruction of the NCAA's legacy, Jay Bilas brought it to the forefront, and now it is your job to finish it.

Agent Zero Made Me Laugh

Andy Reid Kool-Aid

 

Thank you Internet.

Bitterness

The loss in South Bend with Sonny Byrd in PC's first year was much easier to watch than Saturday.  This time, the better team lost.  The better-coached team won.  ND had absolutely no business winning that game.  When Tommy Rees went down, I didn't think it was possible for Ed O to fuck it up.  We won the field possession battle the entire 2nd half and then proceeded to commit a drive-killing hold each time.  Mike Summers was Petrino's guy, and I thought he knew what he was doing.  He clearly doesn't, and Aundrey Walker grinds my fucking gears ever since he let Barkley get lit up.  One of his holds was so egregious that 3 different flags were thrown at him.  Also, someone explain to me why Marqise Lee played.  At best he was clearly a decoy, which seemed obvious to everyone save Cody Kessler as he overthrew him twice before he never played another down.  Quite a brilliant coaching decision to further delay his return by re-aggravating his knee before it's even 75%.  And last but certainly not least, one night at Mothers is definitely not enough, so here is my big fuck you to NBC for the night game. 

On a side note, Barkley threw 4 INTs yesterday for the Eagles, but at least one was called back. 

#YoureWelcomeMexico

  

The call by this Mexican announcer is incredible to listen to.  Then I looked up the translation. HOLY SHIT... Mexican commentators have no shame calling it like it is.

SVP & Tim Kurkjian

Deadspin just posted this video of Scott Van Pelt making Tim Kurkjian die of emphysema simply by using a Baltimore accent.  It's actually hard to listen to it's so funny.  The Baltimore accent/dialect is referred to as Ballimerese, so you learned something new today.

On a separate note, this voicemail from SVP is so well done it's scary.

Ole Miss Southern Belle

This is one of the greatest interviews in college football tailgate history.  I want to marry this girl.

8 Years Ago Today

I couldn't be much more excited for Chicago this weekend.  Thursday cannot get here quick enough.  Mothers is gonna get sloppy.  Also, Will Ferrell was at the pep rally last night.

25 Years Ago Today

If that doesn't get you excited for Greinke tonight, nothing will. And Ice Cube's new song is ridiculous.

#ManBearPuig

  

I love how he still legs out a triple after the bat flip.

This bear got tossed soon after.

I love MLB Playoffs.

Big Papi's Grand Slam

This video gives me the chills.  And it reminds me of this scene from Fever Pitch.  I actually had FOMO sitting on my couch in Los Angeles.



I know that there are a few smug Massholes that saw the Pats comeback at Gillette before seeing this awesome GIF in person at Fenway as well.  The cop wins too.

 

 

And anything that gets Erin Andrews dripping wet with her tongue out is just good for the world.

Is Jerry Dipoto Unfirable?

Does he have some dirt on Arte Moreno?  He must.  Nothing else can explain why he is being allowed to finish out the remaining year on his contract.  Let's do a quick review of some of his farm system-destroying moves.  He traded Jean Segura, a rookie All-Star shortstop this year, and two much needed young pitchers in order to rent Zack Greinke for TWO MONTHS.  The only way that deal is fathomable is with a firm guarantee that he resigns with the Angels.  Now he is the Dodgers second ace while CJ Wilson can't get out of the 5th.  That whole debacle would never and should never have happened had Dipoto learned the lesson from renting Dan Haren in exchange for giving up on Tyler Skaggs and Patrick Corbin, who led the NL in wins for the 60% of the season.  It's funny that I'm happy the Angels weren't in the hunt around the trade deadline, because it kept Dipoto from hamstringing the franchise's future any further.  Like I've said before, my sister knew that Joe Blanton was a terrible signing.  The $7.5 million dollars owed to Blanton in 2014 should come directly out of Dipoto's personal bank account.  It's like the only time he took notes from Tony Reagins was during the Vernon Wells trade that cost the Angels $72 million for 2 seasons of AA-level production.

I was surprised when the news came down this week that Mike Scioscia & Jerry Dipoto would both be keeping their jobs.  I literally want Scioscia to die in an Angels uniform, so at least that is comforting to see.  He does have 5 years left on his deal, so that may have been a larger factor than people think.  On the other hand, Dipoto now has a stay of execution until the Angels are ruled out next year due to terrible pitching.  The Angels also announced that hitting coach Jim Eppard & bench coach Rob Picciolo have been let go.  There is some real irony to firing the coaches least responsible for the season's woes.  Mike Butcher better be looking over his shoulder if he can't get a starter other than Weaver into the 6th inning.  I heard the Dodgers are going to overpay for David Price from the Rays.  Maybe it's time for the Halos to grab a 2nd ace instead of allowing the Dodgers to add a 3rd.

A Jockey's Perspective

I have always wondered what it would be like to be 4 feet tall.  Now I know.

Bill Self As Anchorman

This video is much better than it should've been.

Week 6 Betting Ticket

Last week was another great week of picks, but that Stanford loss cleared out most of the winnings from all the other games.  My confidence in these picks is only lukewarm, so take them with a grain of salt.  I think USC wins by 13 tonight.  One can hope anyway.

Single Plays
USC -6
Oklahoma -14
Stanford -9
Texas A&M -6½
Cowboys -6
Seahawks-Titans Over 40½
Bears -8 

Parlays
Texas A&M -6½, Oklahoma -14, Stanford -9

Jonas Hiller's Mask

 

 

Am I too old to put this on my Christmas list?

NFL - The New Big Tobacco

 
I just watched League of Denial, the documentary on the NFL denying the link between concussions and long term brain trauma.  The NFL has never been portrayed in a worse light.  The analogy to Big Tobacco denying the link between smoking and lung cancer is a genuinely fair comparison.  The NFL has done everything in its power to deny the link, discredit medical examiners, lie or plead the fifth in front of Congress, shun medical evidence, and skimp on paying for the medical expenses of debilitated, disabled ex-players.  The recent $765M settlement is a joke considering the total of 4500 ex-players in the lawsuit and the refusal of the league to admit any guilt.  Goodell's rehearsed non-answers to Congress & countless journalists make him look like a very polished yet empty suit.  Additionally, the NFL demanding ESPN drop out of the documentary only adds to the salaciousness of the story.  Here is the link so you can decide for yourself how much of a scumbag Roger Goodell really is.

#StarbucksDrakeHands

Click here for the backstory to this video.  It's the creepiest/funniest viral Instagram to date.  These Instagrams have a history of disappearing, so here is the YouTube that is never getting taken down.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl

Words cannot describe how amazing 19 yr old rookie Tomas Hertl's FOURTH goal actually was last night. They are already making T-shirts, and I would buy one if he wasn't a shark.

And this throwback I stumbled upon is ridiculous. 

Pins & Needles

Watching this cameraman try to walk off his dead leg is hilarious.  And it reminds me of PCU.


Pins and needles

Dodgers Win, Onto the NLCS

 

Last night's biggest late-game performances came from Brian Wilson and Juan Uribe.  I'd like to personally thank the Giants for letting these two clubhouse/morale guys go.  Donny Baseball has been on the hot seat all year, but I really think his bullpen decisions are the only thing Dodgers fans can harp on.  Fortunately Belisario is done getting the ball in crunch time, so I think Wilson is going to shoulder most of the 7th and 8th innings going forward.  I couldn't be happier about that.  Just look at that absolute animal.

Red River Shootout

I guess I've been living under a rock for the last 8 years, but I just saw that the PC police changed the named from the Red River Shootout to the Red River Rivalry in 2005.  I thought the state of Texas was better than that.  In other news, they are wearing gold trimmed uniforms this year.  It's not a special anniversary or anything though, they're just bored.

Oakland Coliseum Timelapse of Stadium Setup

This video is a good waste of 2 minutes.  Better than the time I actually wasted on the Raider game.

Morning Melons with the President's Cup Streaker

 

 

I really don't have much to say except, "U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

UPDATE - I didn't even notice Fred Couples in the background. 

 Best day of this cop's life.

Frank Gore Shits Himself

 

I'm easily amused by the internet.

If You Aren't Cheatin', You Aren't Bama

Everybody else who knows Bama is cheating six ways to Sunday say "Yeah!!"

Dan Wetzel is the most consistently good sportswriter in the country.  I do not think that anyone is really in his class anymore.  Here he rips into not only Alabama but also the NCAA.  He guesses that HaHa Clinton-Dix will receive a 4-game suspension for asking for and getting a loan from a current coach who has ties to an agent.  This comes on the heels of DJ Fluker's extra benefits.

Please think about this again.  A current player asks a current coach for a loan (violation).  The current coach has ties to an agent (violation), does not report the request (violation), and FULFILLS the request (violation).  I think my favorite part of the story is that he paid back the loan.  Money that clearly came from another booster (violation).  The mere idea of a 4-game suspension for this is mind-boggling.

Remember though, USC should have known Reggie's parents got a sweetheart loan in San Diego county.  Alabama just gives them out in the fucking locker room and won't get touched.  What a crock of shit.

Week 5 Betting Ticket

After last week's success, I decided to let myself get carried away this week.  Let's just hope it doesn't have dire results.  Thank God I don't have to look at a line for USC this week. 

Single Plays
UCLA -6½
Georgia -11
LSU -10
Clemson -14
ASU -6
Stanford -7½ (Multiple Units)
Texas Tech -17½
Chiefs -3
Texans +7
Saints -1

Parlays
UCLA -6½, Georgia -11, Clemson -14, ASU -6, Stanford -7½, Chiefs -3, Saints -1
Dodgers Win Game 1 & Under 6 Total Runs

The Silk Road

 
The Silk Road and the Darknet were fascinating, but it's over for now.  This breakdown on Gawker is really well done.  The most glaring takeaway, other than his Tevas, has to be the astounding underestimation of drug sales per year.  The FBI estimated the Silk Road was doing $22mil/year when it was actually facilitating more than half a billion in sales each year.  A + B = The US Gov't estimates drug use at 1/25th of its actual amount.  We all know that the war on drugs has failed, but here are the hard numbers to prove it.  I'll also go on record as saying that I now believe El Chapo Guzman is the wealthiest person on Earth.

PS - I dream of Elon Musk buying an island for the sole purpose of hosting a private, global internet. 

Good News for Pat Haden

CBS Sports is reporting that Pat Haden & Barry Alvarez are expected to be named to the College Football Playoff selection committee for the Pac-12 & Big 10.   Oliver Luck is also expected to be named as the representative from the Big 12.  The committee will include 12-18 members. The composition of the committee remains sitting athletic directors, former coaches, former players, former administrators [including presidents] and one former journalist. No sitting commissioners will be included.  Also, these are the possible logos they haven't settled on yet.

This story is a nice reprieve for Haden after a tumultuous month.  There are some whispers that USC is going to sue the NCAA under the general umbrella of cruel and unusual punishment.  I'm sure it will have another legal term, but it's clear to most people believe USC's sanctions should have been reduced given Miami's program-wide transgressions under the watchful eye of Paul Dee.  Although the NCAA clearly broke the law by planting a question in a deposition to another convicted felon (quite the pattern), Miami should not get to walk for 50 times the violations USC was accused of.  I wouldn't withhold one more scholarship until Miami gets the death penalty, USC-esque sanctions, or the NCAA crumbles.  Whichever comes first.  This possible lawsuit would also allow our incoming head coach to bring in a full recruiting class this year and most likely next year given the slow nature of these proceedings.  That makes it a no-brainer, and better late than never.

Morning Melons with Chrissy Teigen

 

We get it John Legend.  You won.

Hasselhoff Drunk

I laughed about this today and got nostalgic.  "This is A MESSSS" at 1:03 is my favorite.  It gets depressing after that, so bail on it.

Lebron's Pregame Ritual

Lebron announced he's bringing back this tradition.  I say make it cocaine or GTFO of Miami.

WWII Vets Are Still Cooler Than Me

Nobama tried to close down the National Mall in DC, only to have some "badass til the day I die" WWII vets give that fence a collective middle finger at their memorial.  I love it.  Taking shit from no one until the very end.  The guy laughing in the front saying, "We stormed Normandy.  I'd love to see them try and keep us out."

Our Community-Organizer-in-Chief then just threatened to cancel the Navy - Air Force football game this weekend.  How else was he going to reach the millions of Americans unaffected by the government shutdown?  Make it a story on ESPN.  Kudos for the ingenuity.