Real Life Jurassic Park Here We Come

Yesterday marked the first day in history that we have attempted to clone dinosaurs.  Some people may not consider the Woolly Mammoth a dinosaur, but aren't we just splitting hairs?  Scientists injected long-extinct Woolly Mammoth (Read: dinosaur) DNA into an elephant (Read: frog) cell genome.  Somewhere Michael Crichton is having a glass of scotch laughing maniacally over the impending doom of the human race.  People so soon forget what happened in San Diego the last time we brought a T-Rex into modern civilization.  I keep telling everyone that history repeats itself, but no one wants to listen.  The scientists involved have termed the project "De-Extinction," proving once and for all that we've learned nothing in the past 20 years.

Where's Jeff Goldblum when you need him?  He's so dreamy.

 

PS - I need this shirt.

Videos Of The Day

Cory Simms is leader in the clubhouse for Player Hater of the Year 2015.  Heckling truly is his life.  He's telling these young juniors that they can't handle his heckling they should stick to tiddlywinks and PlayStation.  I looked up tiddlywinks, and I still have no idea what it is.  He quotes the local newspaper story that has him saying he's going to rip a woman's head off and clean the ice with it.  He feels immortalized by that line.  That's the only reason he brings it up.

The bitch who said no to this cow sounded like quite the hater in her own right.

Happy Monday Morning

I simply cannot stop watching this Vine.  The horribleness of the song paired with Frank Kaminsky's electrifying dance moves is just about the perfect 5 seconds of video.  And this breakdown of the seams the batter sees is something that I could never see in person.  I was always watching the pitcher's hands in the glove pre-pitch and the arm angle.  All power to the players who can actually read seams in real time, ie 1 second.

I'm Back From Vacation

Aaron Hernandez's fiancee is taking the stand today at his murder trial, and given the size of the new engagement ring she's sporting, I don't think she's going to say much.  I'm just hoping she perjures herself spinning lies to the prosecutor.  And my favorite picture from Twitter during my two week Italian vacation is this one of Pete Rose signing autographs at the Mandalay Bay last week.  Please notice the iPad for the NCAA tournament games and his phone streaming TVG for the ponies.  Classic Pete Rose, and it reminds me of the last time I saw him.

Flying Snowmobile Friday

Am I naive to think that I'd be lucky enough for UCLA to be in the First Four Out?

Jay Bilas Calls John Wooden A Cheater, Is Correct

I heard this segment on Dan Patrick in my car the other day, and I spit out my imaginary coffee.  No one ever dares utter a negative word about John Wooden, even though it is common knowledge that Sam Gilbert paid all of UCLA's players in the 1960s-70s.  To quote Bilas, "the systematic paying of players at UCLA." 

PREACH BILAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hillary Clinton Made An Ass Out Of Herself Today

Hillary Clinton gave her first press conference today after it was revealed that she hid all of her email communications from the State Department for years.  It did not go well.  Her press conference felt eerily similar to Richard Nixon's famous presser saying, "I'm not a crook."  The gist of her statement was that her email server will remain private (Read: Fuck you, pound sand), and that she kept her communications on a private server because she only wanted to carry 1 phone.  Except two weeks ago she talked about carrying around two different phones.

Nevermind that she broke clearly stated laws, nevermind that she fired someone from her own State Department in 2012 for using a personal email, and please nevermind this video clip of Hillary Clinton from 2007.

This short video does a great job of highlighting Hillary's scandals from the 1990's alone, not including Monica Lewinsky.  Her creepy laugh about refusing to write anything down out of fear of supoenas is almost too perfect.

How will the media make this go away?  Can we invade Kosovo again?

And the comparison below actually is perfect.