Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Waka Flocka Flame Wants Me Off The Sidewalks


Waka Flocka Flame's name was on a list of people who've declared their candidacy for the President of the United States, so I decided to investigate his platform.  Call me an asshole, but I very much assumed he was pro-marijuana before I even came across his announcement video.  Everything was going pretty smoothly, since I don't want animals in restaurants (or planes) either.  But then he crosses the line at the 1:27 mark in the video, needlessly going after size 13 feet.  Flocka is basically saying that every basketball player ever must stay off the streets.



That has to be the most random, unprovoked attack on my mutant toes in a very long time.  What a strange pet peeve for Flocka to have - big feet taking up room on the sidewalk.  Does this mean that he has tiny feet (Read: tiny dick)?  Is this a not so obvious slight directed towards his well-endowed brothers?  That's what I'm choosing to believe.  I really haven't felt this self-conscious about my shoe size since the last time a slimy shoe salesman stuck me in one of those Brannock devices.  "Oh, I have wide, flat, fat feet with alien toes?  Do you have ANY size 13's in the back?"  A Brannock device sounds like something an executioner would use to torture someone before their untimely end.

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