Oregon Decides To One-Up The NFL With Pink Uniforms, No One Wins

As I already mentioned during the ALS challenge, Pink October is going to be unbearable.  Oregon just unveiled these uniforms for their Thursday night game versus Arizona.  Nevermind that the NFL gives less than 10% of the proceeds from pink gear to charity, but are you ready for how hard the NFL is going to try to sell this awareness campaign to women viewers.  It literally can't be October fast enough for Goodell.  Pink ribbon on the lapel for his next bomb of a press conference - I'd bet my dick on it.  It's the new American way to bring "awareness," but no change. 

In other news, I was on the Peristyle when I saw this amazing Pac-12 scheduling breakdown.  I cannot really do it justice, so I am reposting it here.  Moral of the story - Fuck Larry Scott in the ass with a pineapple on a stick.

Wives of the SEC Segment Brings You Jen Bielema

Beside every great coach is a coach's wife, except of course in Bret Bielema's case.  The whole video is worth a watch, but you can fast forward to the 2:15 mark for Bielema's space cadet of a wife, Jen Bielema.  The actual Arkansas media guide tells the story of them meeting at a blackjack table in Las Vegas, but my favorite part is where it says she had no idea who he was for 4 months.  Total and complete bullshit.  It would take an even smaller brain than hers to be incapable of figuring out who Bret from Wisconsin was in real life.  There's a 90% chance she knew who he was when she first started talking to him.  No one is in Vegas alone, unless she was "working," so her friends would've found out from other people in the casino.  The "I had no idea the ugly fat guy I was talking to for 4 months was rich" argument isn't going to work on me Jen so save it.  I looked through all of her pictures on Instagram (@jennicoleb), and she thankfully doesn't have a single one with Bret.

I can only imagine how quickly Jen posted this photo of her looking much better than Britney Spears.  Her fingers literally couldn't work her iPhone quickly enough.

Case Of The Mondays - Ryder Cup Edition

It was obvious to me that the U.S. team had no chance after Tom Watson benched Jordan Spieth & Patrick Reed after they steamrolled through their first match.  How anyone can be that stupid is laughable from a captain's perspective.  But at least Bubba & Rickie had fun losing 5 matches without recording a single win.  Quite the showing.  Then in the most awkward golf press conference that has ever been assembled, Phil Michelson is shitting on Tom Watson while sitting about 10 feet from him.

If that video wasn't enough for you, you can watch & read more of the awkwardness here.  Lefty really didn't hold anything back as he throws Watson under the bus.  While I do not really agree with Phil about the pods concept, Watson was almost as bad of a captain as Doofus Love III in 2012.  I understand that hindsight is 20/20, but sitting the only team that crushed in the Friday morning session was the only thing I needed to see.  And Jamie Donaldson is still drunk.

Kris Jenner (Then Kardashian) Covers "I Love LA"

On the way the see Kershaw clinch the NL West with 3 buddies last night, Randy Newman's classic "I Love LA" came on coming out of a radio commercial.  I laughed and told them that the song will forever remind me of Kris Kardashian Jenner's cover of the song with "I Love My Friends."  I got 3 blank stares back at me.  I don't know how this video never got more play, but OJ scaring me at the 3:22 mark followed up quickly by a few very strange faces is reason enough to suffer through the whole thing.  It's ironic to think how the location of OJ's knife died with Robert Kardashian, as Robert Kardashian Sr. would now have the most motive to expose The Juice after taking one look at Khloe's massive dome.

Betting Ticket - Week 5

I went 9-9-1 last week on my football bets.  Although I only posted 18 bets, I doubled down on Texas A&M curbstomping a coachless SMU, so I counted that one twice.  Some might call that padding the stats, but fuck those people.  Gambling is all mental. 

Single Plays
Michigan State -31
South Florida +34
Penn State -10
Washington State +13
Redskins -3½
Dolphins -4
Chargers -14
Saints -3

Parlays
Michigan State -31, South Florida +34, Penn State -10, Washington State +13
Michigan State -31, Penn State -10, Dolphins -4, Chargers -14, Saints -3

Since I'm sure there aren't enough plays here for the degenerates in all of you, I highly recommend watching/listening the Barstool Pick Em videos/podcasts for both college and pro football.  I would pay just to listen to their hilarious rationales, not even the final picks.

Last Sunday's games -
http://chicago.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/barstool-pick-em-nfl-week-3/ 
Link to Podcast
https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/barstool-pick-em/id917319181?mt=2 

And Panda Friend aka Metta World Peace aka Ron Artest will be playing for the Sichuan Blue Whales in China this season, so he obviously needed a new shoe.  This isn't a joke.

Olbermann Hates On Derek Jeter

I really enjoyed this complete takedown of the Derek Jeter farewell tour.  Very few people (Read: Obama) can be so mediocre at their jobs while receiving adulation from every corner of the world.  Please don't pay attention to the fact that today is Obama's one year anniversary of demanding the UN remove Assad from Syria, except today he's asking the UN to bomb Assad's very own enemies instead.  This is what happens when you have a fucking moron making meaningful decisions with worldwide implications.

In other news, Paulina Gretzky announced that Dustin Johnson knocked her up out of wedlock.  It's nice to know DJ was doing something during his PGA Tour mandated leave of absense.  While I know she would never try on a wedding dress with a baby bump, do you think they quickly get shotgunned married now or wait until next summer?  My money's on next summer, if he can keep his nose clean. That's a big IF.

And this Vine of Lefty taking a shot at Rory McIlroy & Graeme McDowell's contentious ongoing lawsuit made me laugh.  I love Phil rustling some feathers before Friday.  I have a hunch this could be an incredibly competitive Ryder Cup.

Lastly, I feel you Wilbon.

Clint Dempsey Proves No One Cares About Soccer

I don't really know why Clint Dempsey would agree to a spot that would make soccer look bad, but I imagine he envisioned those interactions going a lot differently.  This video proves that the World Cup is just a source of nationalistic pride for us.  He even tried to cheat with a Latin guy and a foreigner who clearly cares more about soccer.  No dice.  A buddy sent me this video of a drunk redneck breaking all of his clubs and bag in hilarious fashion.  I promise you will enjoy his commentary.  "Friends of Kathy Watson? Whoever that bitch is" - had me rolling

I think people are rightfully scared of getting viruses in the search for the latest posts regarding the incredible and ongoing Fappening saga.  The first link below is a smaller folder of the best highlights.  The second link is the entire release thus far and will take much longer to download.

Highlights
https://mega.co.nz/#F!wshWxSyY!coohzogAazmSOlaGDfAJqQ
Full Download
https://mega.co.nz/#F!lkJVgYKa!ugSnaG_DPC-eS337w7MHgw