Football Betting Week 4

Tomorrow is what I refer to as a "Couch Cooler Day," where you bring a cooler to the couch so you don't even need to get up for a fresh beer.   Just look at that glorious slate of games for us to stress about the totals.  I might just bet the whole board last minute, since I couldn't do any worse than the last two weeks.  Fair warning, I started fading* myself already, so some of these picks are the exact opposite of my gut feeling.  I plan on starting out the day with the enthusiasm of TO eating popcorn, but I imagine I'll look like Washington's superfan around 9 pm.
     *Faded game notation

Single Plays
Stanford @ Oregon State (tonight) - Over 45 *
Hawaii @ Wisconsin - Over 50
Miami OH @ Western Kentucky (@Rico_Bosco) - Over 67
UCLA @ Arizona - Arizona +3 *
TCU @ Texas Tech - TCU -7
USC @ Arizona State - ASU +5.5
UMass @ Notre Dame - Notre Dame -29 *
Bengals @ Ravens - Bengals +3
Falcons @ Cowboys - Falcons -2

Parlays
ND -29, TCU -7, Zona +3, ASU +5.5
TCU -7, ASU +5.5, Bengals +3, Falcons -2

And for entertainment purposes, you should watch or listen to the Barstool Sports Pick 'Em podcast each week.  Their take on Stanford last week was awkwardly specific and correct.

http://www.barstoolsports.com/chicago/college-football-pickem-podcast-week-4/

College Football Betting & ESPN

To start out this college football season, ESPN flipped the script and blatantly began referencing gambling lines in their daily programming.  The general consensus was, "It's about fucking time."  Ironically enough, the timing coincided with ESPN's new partnership with Draft Kings and the NFL's partnership with Fan Duel.  I was planning on having a hot take on the hypocrisy of allowing daily fantasy gambling on individual player outcomes while prohibiting gambling on the outcomes of actual games.  It's nothing more than semantics, and Scott Van Pelt said it perfectly last night.

His 9pm SportsCenter even has a "Bad Beats" segment, which is quickly becoming must see TV.  The only thing I enjoy more during his show is making Tim Kurkjian giggle like an idiot because of SVP's Ballimerese (Read: Baltimore) accent.  ESPN has already acquiesced to NCAA demands to get rid of the cover alerts after the first two weeks of the season.  Likewise, people across the sports landscape are complaining about the constant inundation of commercials from Draft Kings & Fan Duel.  As someone who is a proponent for legalized sportsbooks on every corner like in the UK, I see most of these developments in an almost completely positive light.  But I also know that this type of coverage across the television landscape will bring the Congressional watchdogs to the table for a hefty bite of the profits.  It's only a matter of time.

Here is another article on ESPN acknowledging gambling this season -
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ncaaf/2015/09/08/espn-college-gameday-football-gambling-wagering-odds-tv-broadcast/71897470/

Here is an article on a gambling business that was arbitrarily shut down, while daily fantasy thrives -
http://espn.go.com/chalk/story/_/id/13506773/betting-bookmaking-curious-case-betchacom-chalk

New Football Themed Ringtones For Your iPhone

Does your morning alarm sound you've been using for years need an update?  Are you sick of your boring old ringtone?  Then you have come to the right place.  All you need to do is click the link under each video in order to download your copy of that song in ringtone form, and simply save it where you keep your music.  Double click the file to Open in iTunes, and you will have the ringtone the next time you update your phone.  Somehow that seems less simple than I intended starting out.  Figure it out.

https://mega.nz/#!slxTlZxa!Ok4Slzot3kCxlbzvL7y3liN3EttrE1IW5T5rs3pwkkc

https://mega.nz/#!pw4hTToK!QtVAjh-QK3L2t_BX_2BPJc5tvIX8_IwFWXCqGJnHaIw

https://mega.nz/#!19xFiZ5T!4N-Op2oVQpEpRjwivjJnRq0AKtRbIQvESKFZq5FfKFc

https://mega.nz/#!IkpXQagC!SQZtpiRWiwcGdZIPq4Q7toMAJATa0QP1V0Aj58V84PM

https://mega.nz/#!U4Q00IAZ!tY2Ek1lNZQDF-osaKgo4G9fN3KA4olAjcVSyUl1T7-E

https://mega.nz/#!otwFwSAY!TJq_9XhNxmWKQLp_IavdAaSe97UHsN5PsyujhHT1kPw

https://mega.nz/#!R1Bkwbaa!1Lhget03Nc3VieaEMYFHv4ksRUbhEhIJg4fBI-TBNG4

My Favorite Yogi-isms - RIP Yogi Berra

90 years is a great run, especially as a New York City legend.  He was a good golfer too.  Some of these oxymorons are essentially one-liners that contain more truth than some would like to admit.

On how events sometimes seem to repeat themselves: "It's deja vu all over again!"
On selecting a restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

On pregame rest: "I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4."

On his team's diminishing pennant chances: "It ain't over `till it's over."

On his approach to playing baseball: "Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."

On learning: "You can observe a lot by watching."

On school: "I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."

On travel directions: "When you come to a fork in the road take it."

On battling the shadows in left field at Yankee Stadium: "It gets late early out there."  

On his approach to at-bats: "You can't think and hit at the same time."

On a slipping batting average: "Slump? I ain't in no slump. ... I just ain't hitting."

On switch hitters: "He hits from both sides of the plate.  He's amphibious."

On that day's game: "We made too many wrong mistakes."

On the bench players' quality: "We have deep depth."

On baseball attendance: "If people don't come to the ballpark, how are you gonna stop them?"

On the 1973 Mets: "We were overwhelming underdogs."

On economics: "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

On being told he looked cool: "You don't look so hot yourself."

On being asked what time it was: "You mean now?"

On a spring training drill: "Pair off in threes."

On the weather: "It ain't the heat, it the humility."

On being given a day in his honor: "Thank you for making this day necessary."

On fan mail: "Never answer an anonymous letter."

On philosophy: "If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

On death: "Always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't go to yours."

On the fractured syntax attributed to him: "I really didn't say everything I said."

Waka Flocka Flame Wants Me Off The Sidewalks

Waka Flocka Flame's name was on a list of people who've declared their candidacy for the President of the United States, so I decided to investigate his platform.  Call me an asshole, but I very much assumed he was pro-marijuana before I even came across his announcement video.  Everything was going pretty smoothly, since I don't want animals in restaurants (or planes) either.  But then he crosses the line at the 1:27 mark in the video, needlessly going after size 13 feet.  Flocka is basically saying that every basketball player ever must stay off the streets.

That has to be the most random, unprovoked attack on my mutant toes in a very long time.  What a strange pet peeve for Flocka to have - big feet taking up room on the sidewalk.  Does this mean that he has tiny feet (Read: tiny dick)?  Is this a not so obvious slight directed towards his well-endowed brothers?  That's what I'm choosing to believe.  I really haven't felt this self-conscious about my shoe size since the last time a slimy shoe salesman stuck me in one of those Brannock devices.  "Oh, I have wide, flat, fat feet with alien toes?  Do you have ANY size 13's in the back?"  A Brannock device sounds like something an executioner would use to torture someone before their untimely end.

Happy Birthday Song Copyright Cancelled

A U.S. District Court judge ruled yesterday that the copyright Sony held on the "Happy Birthday To You" song was invalid.  Judge George H. King ruled that he could find no evidence that the song's creators, a pair of sisters named Mildred and Patty Hill, ever transferred copyright of the lyrics to a publisher.  As such, Sony basically just lost a $2 million annual golden goose.  Movies and TV shows have gone to great lengths to avoid the $10k price tag.  The video below is a compilation of happy birthday song alternatives.

Will Ferrell Wins 40 Yard Dash Vs. My 31 Year Old Buddy

Ever lose to Will Ferrell in a 40 yard dash? #bestlossever #fighton #idid

A video posted by Derek Masi (@doofmasi) on Sep 19, 2015 at 9:39pm PDT

I can't stop watching this.  There is no way to top this life moment.

Hyperloop Intro Video Boner

It's safe to say that my hefty man-crush on anything and everything Elon Musk is going nowhere.

The Worst Punt Coverage In The History Of Football

It actually looks worse than football in the movies.

Contestant Gets Alex Trebek To Say Turd Ferguson

The only reason I want to be a contestant on Jeopardy is to screw with Alex Trebek during Final Jeopardy.  I'm actually surprised he said Turd Ferguson out loud.  He didn't when Aaron Rodgers tried on an actual Celebrity Jeopardy.  I've gotten this video sent to me from 5 different sources, so I'm glad that my love for these skits is well known to my friends and family.  Below is the original.

I've been having trouble settling on a Halloween costume, and this one has always been a favorite of mine.  As I'm typing this, Norm MacDonald is playing Colonel Sanders on a KFC commercial, which might be an even better idea.  Decisions, decisions...

Write down any number, any number at all... Sean Connery, you wrote the letter V.  Well I tell you what my friend - V is a Roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered correctly.  And your wager...

Where are you right now? ... Sean Connery, let's see what you wrote.  "In Doors" Oh my God, are we recording this?  Let's see what you wagered...

President Bush's First Pitch at Yankee Stadium After 9/11

I was busy with a wedding over the weekend, and I meant to post this video on Friday.  There is a long and a short version below.  It gets a little dusty in the room during the long 30 for 30, so some may rather watch the shorter version.  And I bet you never think of Derek Jeter the same way.

As if you needed verification of just how clutch that first pitch was, here is a chart of notable first pitches.  W barely edged out Slick Willy - with Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor's pitch surprising us all.  Also, 50 Cent far left still makes me laugh.

Glasses That Cure Colorblindness

Immediately when I saw this video, I emailed it to my uncle and a buddy from college who are colorblind.  I still haven't heard anything back from them, but I hope they have a similar experience as the guy in this video.  It's almost spiritual - watching someone see a sunset for the first time.  So if you know anyone who is colorblind, maybe tell them about these Enchroma glasses. 

Texas State Barbie Car Vs. @Vodka_samm Vs. Ole Miss Hotty Toddy - Who Ya Got?

Inside Edition's clip with Tara Monroe, a Texas State junior, is flat out hilarious.  The headshot smile for her mugshot, calling herself a diva who hates to sweat, and her Dad at the end of his robe.  "I'm not at all making a joke of my DUI."  Um yeah, Tara, you are.  And I'm 95% sure she's wearing a Kappa Kappa Gamma shirt, so my sisters are definitely beaming with pride.  I'm not sold on the Tevas though Tara.  Clean that up already.  But in the end, this story got me thinking about my favorite drunk college girl story of recent times.

Vodka Samm comes to mind right away, as she has been a personal hero of mine for literally 2 years now.  Unapologetic about her partying until the day she dies.  I absolutely love everything about @Vodka_samm, and I've never even met her.  But at the same time, I don't want to short change my Hotty Toddy from Ole Miss either.  She insults her own IQ, then takes it back, then admits it's shit after all.  We get a YOLO, choosing Eli Manning's "drive" over his brother Peyton's because of a lack of loyalty, wisdom & advise like "you'll make the grades as long as you get like a 2.0," and her needlessly informing us that she never misses a party.

Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" 24 Years Old Today

Today is the 24th anniversary of the release of Nirvana's hit single Smells Like Teen Spirit.  I heard a tribute to the song on the radio this morning, and I forgot how much I used to love Nirvana.  Dave Grohl continues to be the ultimate rockstar, after finishing a concert with a broken fucking leg.  That is some Greg Jennings "put the team on my back" type of shit.

College Football Bets - Week 1

There are quite a few interesting matchups this week, including 3 games tonight that are all worth watching.  I can't wait to watch Harbaugh do something weird tonight.  TCU is going to embarrass Minnesota badly.  Just a total boat race.  And I hope the Old Ball Coach's defense is as bad as I suspect.  Good luck and godspeed tonight / this weekend.

Single Plays:
TCU -17
TCU vs Minnesota - Over 58
Utah -6
The Other USC vs. UNC - Over 64
ASU +3.5
Michigan State -17
USC -27
Texas +10
Washington +12

Parlays:
USC -27, TCU -17, Utah -6, ASU +3.5, Mich St. -17
TCU vs. Minn Over 58, the Other USC vs. UNC Over 64, Utah -6, TCU -17

Bring Rotten Bananas Back To Life - Mind Blown

I have neither the correct rice nor a blow dryer, but soon I'm going to ruin a perfectly good banana for the express purpose of bringing it back to life.