This Is Sportscenter - Super Bowl Addition

These never get old.  I wonder if there is an archive of all of these on the interwebs somewhere.

This Story Made Me Laugh

Minneapolis, MN - Members of the Black Student Association and other African American groups at the University of Minnesota are requesting that the crime alerts on campus no longer identify the racial background of suspects.  A spokesperson said, “The repeated black, black, black suspect...And what that does it really discomforts the mental and physical comfort for students on campus because they feel like suspicions begin to increase.”

"They feel like suspicions begin to increase."  And rightfully so.  I found this story funny for a few reasons.  African American groups want campus crime alerts to include a description of a suspect without including race.  What they don't realize is that if this is taken seriously, it will backfire as students will assume EVERY crime was committed by an African American.  Stereotypes exist for a reason and refusing to fully inform the public about a criminal's description only puts more people in danger.  I guess addressing the epidemic of black crime on campus is too difficult, so it's better to have people suspicious of everyone instead of the actually dangerous suspect.  That's logic that only Obama could understand.

Katie Nolan Shits On Rick Reilly

I'll admit that I had no idea who Katie Nolan was before about 5 minutes ago.  It's very rare that a hot chick can totally eviscerate another man with a string of insults like this.  Lots of people take shots a Rick Reilly these days, but just the way she said it really turned me on.  Sports, boobs, hate - check, check, check.  Katie, will you marry me?

I kept watching this last gif as if by some miracle I could get lucky with a few extra frames.

Russell Wilson Texas Rangers Baseball Card

 
As a Seahawks fan, this is a terrible idea, but I would love to see Russell Wilson play baseball too.  Playing two sports is very rare, and unheard of as a QB, but I think he has a good enough head on his shoulders to give it a shot.  He was drafted for the 2nd time for baseball by the Texas Rangers this year, and I guess every draft pick gets a photoshopped baseball card regardless of whether or not they sign.  Below are his other cards.

Mayweather Reportedly Bets $10.4M on the Broncos

Floyd Mayweather normally only lets the world in on his bets once he has already won.  Going public on a bet this huge before the game is not his style.  As if I didn't want the Seahawks to win enough already, I hope this losing bet gets us all one step closer to the Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight we've been eagerly awaiting.

NFL Media Day from Richard Sherman's POV

 

That looks daunting.

Morning Melons with Holly Sonders of the Golf Channel

I have been daydreaming about Holly Sonders since I saw her playing golf at the Humana Challenge.  She is constantly dressed like a hooker on the Golf Channel too, so this homage is long overdo.  I have no idea how Erik Kuselias outkicked his coverage by this much.

 

I love the guy on the range on the right who can't concentrate.

NSFW version of this selfie after the jump.

Pictures of the Weekend

This is how I imagine the very few people that read Beach Chair Sports impatiently waiting for anything on Monday mornings.  This picture below is of a German nightclub that was destroyed by a fire during a show.  And the gif below is of daytime fireworks.  I've never heard of such a thing, but Coachella better step its game up.

 

Astronauts Reflect Upon "Earth-gazing"

Seeing the Earth from outer space is described as a spiritual, almost mystical experience by the few that have truly been far enough removed from our atmosphere to have the opportunity to Earth-gaze. It's fascinating seeing them trying to put it into words.

This Supercut Made My Morning

This settles it.  I'm going to start Curb Your Enthusiasm over from the beginning again very soon.  I have no idea why I waste so much time watching Seinfeld reruns.  Also, this version of NFL Bad Lip Reading is incredible.

"Don't hoard cat food, Star Wars typhoon. You could joke all night, but no no kung fu, no more cartoons no more kung fu, no no kung fu."

Boring Day, Not Much To Report

Any day Kendrick Perkins gets publicly dissed is a good day, and this lack of respect from the Spurs is amazing.  Jaw-dropping even.  Almost as bad as getting ditched by your teammates.  Bieber's mugshot is also hilariously feminine (he looks 12) from his 4am DUI for street racing in Miami.

Kobe Scored 81 Eight Years Ago Today

Listening to those free throws swish is awkwardly pleasing to hear.

Awwwww This Morning

I posted that awesome Duracell Derrick Coleman ad last week, and this might be the cutest kid-spelling follow-up note I've read in a long time.  Then Ricky Rubio melts our hearts while bounce passing it to a little girl during a timeout.

PS - Enough of this softee stuff.  What really made me go "Awwww" this morning was seeing Vince Young officially filed for bankruptcy.  All is right in the world today.

Warren Buffett Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge

Warren Buffet and Dan Gilbert are throwing down the most epic gauntlet offering one BILLION dollars for a perfect bracket during this year's March Madness.  The picture I posted above represents 1 billion dollars in hundreds.  The odds say that you have a 1 in 9.2 quintillion chance of getting the bracket perfect, and this is my response to that.

MLK Party at ASU #WatermelonCups

CBS 5 - KPHO

TKE at ASU decided to throw an MLK Party complete with watermelon cups and hoodrat costumes.  I guess you aren't allowed to get creative with your exchange themes anymore.  What's next?  No sombreros on Cinco de Mayo?

Last Night Was Fun

My favorite part about this picture is that my buddy and I were just trying to take a picture with Russell Wilson when Macklemore ran over to jump in the photo.  Century Link was the loudest a stadium could possibly be.  I actually lost my voice.  Definitely one of the more memorable experiences in my life.  One more to go.

And this gif is exactly what I looked like sprinting to the locker room.

Varsity Blues 15 Year Anniversary

Varsity Blues will go down as one of the most underrated movies of all time in my book.  Critics on Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 40%, which is just laughable considering most guys my age can and do quote the movie often.  Another absolute classic from Paul Walker.  Between Varsity Blues and Dazed & Confused, I wanted to be a public school student in Texas more than just about anything.  I've always fantasized about an Ali Larter-esque girl springing the whipped cream bikini on me.  I guess that's my version of slave Princess Leia.  Recognizing a random stripper is up there too.

Kellen Winslow Caught Playing With His Soldier

Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested last month for possession of synthetic marijuana called spice.  But the cops only found the drug after he had already been cuffed for masturbating in a Target parking lot.  He had no excuse for his lewd behavior other than that he was looking for a Boston Market.  Just another day in the life of a University of Miami alum.  Move along...

30 for 30 - Tonya Harding vs. Nancy Kerrigan

This video and the picture below were my only clear memories I have from the Tonya Harding / Nancy Kerrigan saga profiled on the 30-for-30 The Price of Gold last night.  I don't remember the poor girl from Detroit vs. the wealthy figure skating princess storyline, but I was only 5 years old at the time.  While Kerrigan turned down the interview request, Harding was more than willing to try to set the record straight.  "Try" being the operative word.  Every word that came out of her mouth seemed less credible than the one before.  It was morbidly entertaining to see her continue to dig her own grave by offering up rhetorical questions like, "Why would I do this?"

Her stupidity can't be understated.  She and her then-husband, Jeff Gillooly, paid for all of the hit squad's expenses on a Visa.  She decided to leave Gillooly in a pathetic attempt to distance herself from the media circus, which obviously led to him throwing her even further under the bus.  In a most ironic twist at the end of the doc, Harding calls Kerrigan a whiny brat for getting impatient while waiting for Oksana Baiul to take the podium for what many believe should have been Kerrigan's gold medal ceremony.  To witness someone with so little self-awareness is breathtaking.

PS - I forgot how 90's hot Nancy Kerrigan really was.  I'm excited to see how nice the years have been next month in Sochi.

Manhattan Beach Fire Sky This Morning

The forest/house fire in Glendora had us all waking up to orange skies.  Kinda eerie.

Seattle FB Derrick Coleman Duracell Ad

This commercial is beyond fantastic, and I couldn't be much more excited to get to Seattle for the NFC Championship game this weekend.  It's gonna be an absolute war on the field.  In other news, here are Phil Michelson & Rory McIlroy at the start of the tournament in Abu Dhabi.

DEA Working With Sinaloa Cartel

A Mexican newspaper is reporting that the US Gov't and the DEA had an "arrangement" with the Sinaloa drug cartel allowing them to smuggle billions of dollars in exchange providing information on their rivals.  I'm no rocket scientist, but that seems like a fucking sweatheart deal if I've ever heard one.  So you're telling the wealthiest person in the world, El Chapo Guzman, that he can continue pumping Chicago and California full of drugs, will help him get that dirty money back to Mexico, and will do all of this in exchange for help in destroying his competitors.

Eric Holder is so fucking incompetent, it's insane.  First, he literally gave the cartel assault rifles during the Fast & Furious scandal.  Now he is doing the Sinaloa's laundry for them while clamping down on their rivals.  We saw how well this type of shit works with Whitey Bulger, except El Chapo is worth north of $50 Billion.  He's not getting caught in some shit apartment in Santa Monica.  He'll probably end up with a chain of his own islands.  I'm excited to see how the mainstream media will spin this one.

CNN Reporter Gets Really High

That woman hasn't smiled like that since the 70's.

I Got My First Gray Hair Today

I guess I've had the gray hair for a while now, and I simply noticed it today.  Either way, it's a total kick in the balls just a week after my birthday.  In other news, that picture above is what Dodger Stadium is going to look like for the Winter Classic of Ducks vs. Kings.  It even includes a beach volleyball court.  That unnatural juxtaposition would even make Putin blush.  There's a story coming out of Houston about Arian Foster (and his brother) demanding his mistress get an abortion. He should be sensitive & sensible about the whole thing and handle it like JJ Redick.  And last but certainly not least, these "motivational" posters are hanging in all of the Alabama player's lockers.  Get ready to shit the bed earlier next season boys.

Probably My Last Male Figure Skating Post

I really enjoyed this video from the US Figure Skating Championships.  It's sweeping the web right now, but I think it's fairly obvious using Riverdance-style music is just cheating.  The old white curmudgeons at this event aren't giving a standing ovation for Mozart.  I'm sure the French/Russian judge will take serious offense to this type of "skating" when it really matters in Sochi.  Hey Jason Brown, get ready for a tougher audience next month.

Celebrity Sextape Musical Chairs

Supposedly Pamela Anderson just remarried some guy named Rick Salomon. That name didn't mean anything to me until I read that Rick Salomon also had a starring role in 1 Night in Paris.  While one might think the celebrity sextape world is simply going to spontaneously combust, I think it would take Ray J marrying Paris Hilton for things to truly get out of hand.  Maybe Kim K and Tommy Lee could have a weird fling.  Here's to hoping.  Links are NSFW, but too late now.

This Weekend In Pictures

I am still at a loss over Saban's hiring of Lane Kiffin.  That is almost as dumb as USC only being a 13 point underdog to #1 Arizona last night.  Free money.  John Daly goes paintballing, and some Hardo ref is the only person who can actually stop LeGarrette Blount.

Somebody should remind this zebra to watch his mouth.

Lane Kiffin Becomes Alabama OC, This Is Real Life

I have to give credit where credit is due.  Lane Kiffin might be the best interviewee of all time.  There is no other way to explain his ability to perpetually land jobs that he has no business getting.  I thought Nick Saban was simply extending an olive branch to him, so that his pariah stigma would be softened a little for other job opportunities.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Saban would be as gullible as Jerry Jones.  Monte had the worst defense in the Pac-12 and parlayed that into one of the worst defenses in the NFL.  Now we get the pleasure of seeing Lane's playcalling destroy another offense, this time in the SEC.  At least Bama's O-line is better, or else McCarron's replacement is in for a lot of death threats.  Ala-bubble screen is in for a rude awakening.

Rodman Sings Happy Birthday to Kim Jong-Un

Dennis is right, today is a "historical" day.  Today, he had to apologize for this drunken rant on CNN.  I honestly sometimes feel like I am watching a movie with this shit.  Rodman can't really be this delusional can he?  The Freak can't look in the mirror and see an ambassador can he?  He is being treated exactly as a child's hero would be treated if that child suddenly had all the money in the world.  Except that child is sociopathic dictator Kim Jong-Un pathetically holding up one of his equally-psychotic father's heroes.  He couldn't even come up with his own random American sport to quietly embrace.  I wish Un was more like Mox.

Seahawks present Beast Mode, Part 2

I couldn't be much more excited about the Seahawks vs. Saints game tomorrow.  I could watch Marshawn Lynch tell Darren Sharper to "Hold Ma Dick" forever.  I love Hasselbeck all the way down field there throwing a block.  This weekend will hopefully be more of the same.  The Richter Scale literally went off the last time Beast Mode was fully engaged.

 

Thank You Johnny Football

I feel bad for people that don't appreciate Johnny Football both on and off the field.

Paulina Gretzky Knows What's Sexy

That luscious swing and doing her best to make Lulus a trend on the LPGA Tour.  Get it girl.

Stewart Cink's Dome

This two-toned, ying/yang of a dome looks like he legitimately got scalped.  I wonder when he officially turned the page to wearing hats in restaurants 100% of the time.

I'm Sad College Football Is Over

Coachella Lineup 2014

 

Better than I expected.  And I slowed down this gif of past Coachella lineups.  Enjoy.

Bobby Petrino Is Back

Before there ever was/wasn't a Lenay Kekua, there was Bobby Petrino.  Never in my life have I seen the sports world pounce on a story with more delight.  This notorious offensive guru was formerly famous for jumping ship for greener pastures every single year.  He is up to his old tricks in that regard, coming full circle back to Louisville after one year at Western Kentucky, but let's not forget how he got back to square one.

Simply put, Bobby Petrino was banging Jessica Dorrell, an assistant to the Athletic Department at Arkansas.  She's definitely cute, but the kicker was that she was currently engaged to another employee in the Athletic Department.  Not only was Petrino blatantly showing preferential treatment with her various promotions and upgrades in pay, but he then also decided to have a tandem ride on his motorcycle to wherever that day's tryst was to take place.  Can you imagine the most recognizable person in your city riding a motorcycle to a hotel with his mistress hanging off the back? And then crashing said bike, and then lying about it to everyone (including police), and then having a presser looking like this?  This whole sordid tale was just so storybook amazing, it seemed...

Between Rick Pitino & Bobby Petrino, Louisville is now flush with class acts all the way.  Lastly, I'll leave you with an amazing flowchart of Petrino's illustrious career.

 

UPDATE - I accidentally stumbled across Rick Pitino's mistress's abortion/extortion demands. Enjoy.

NBA Rules For Traveling

Are there any???  Over the last 5 years, I have seen more uncalled traveling violations than I did in my previous 20 years.  This gif from last night is a perfect example since it really shows how little attention referees pay to players accepting passes in the triple threat position on the perimeter.  This is the true hotbed of uncalled travels.  The other, of course, is allowing players three step run-ups for dunks, but they do that for fans / highlights.  I get that.  The taking of three steps to catch a pass in triple threat and rampant illegal switching of pivot feet on the perimeter is unconscionable in my opinion.  The longer the NBA lets this go unaddressed, the worse the problem will become.

But in all honesty, shouldn't that feel awkward/off/weird for an experienced All-Star to take 6 or 7 steps without ever putting the ball on the floor.  I look extremely guilty after an obvious travel or double dribble.  This seems to just be part of D-Wade's game now.  Very odd.

Pissing Into The Polar Vortex

This video cracked me up.  Pissing fog is a new one for me.

Daft Punk Songs Are Mostly Covers

I consider myself to be a fairly large Daft Punk fan, but the revelation that many of their songs are simply pace-manipulated covers is news to me.  I've heard similar baselines and melodies, but the Evil Woman - Face To Face comparison blew my mind.  Enjoy.

Best of Beach Chair Sports

Since it's my birthday and I don't feel like working too hard, here are my favorite posts thus far in Beach Chair Sports' long and distinguished history.

Will Ferrell's SNL Audition Tape (above)

Mark Cuban is Pablo Escobar?

Best Instagram Video Ever

Oscar De La Hoya Back To Rehab

Chris Farley Died 16 Years Ago

Tiger Woods Stanford Recruiting Letter

The Coach Who Never Punts

Should Drugs Be Legalized?

110 Freeway Carpool / Tollway / Smug Lane

OJ Simpson Rumors About Khloe Kardashian

And although recent, let's not forget about -

Auburn Moron Refuses to Hedge Bet

Most Interesting Man In The World

Kim Dotcom might be the person I would most like to meet in the world.  I know this is a long video, but anyone who gives a big middle finger to the internet police like this is a complete badass.  I recommend you take it upon yourself to make an account on Mega since their cloud can store 25 times more than DropBox, is easily sharable, and is double-blind government spy-proof encrypted (supposedly).

We Aren't ALL Sparks

I saw the petition We Are ALL Sparks on Twitter, and it started me thinking... How much longer does the WNBA really have?  I believe women's sports is alive and well abroad, but broadcasting it in the United States is clearly not feasible.  After some very quick investigating, I have found out that the WNBA's contract with ESPN runs through 2016.  Some unverified reports have the NBA subsidizing the WNBA to the tune of $12 million per year.  That seems extremely light, but I guess ESPN could be overpaying hugely for those TV deals (on David Stern's orders).  But the question remains - when does the propping up of an unprofitable enterprise like the WNBA move from a "cost of doing business" to a full blown philanthropy for the NBA?

PS - Can you imagine if we instead called it MNBA for men only? The feminists would crucify David Stern as discriminatory against women, but discriminating against men from participating in their league... crickets.  That's how you know feminists are a complete waste of oxygen.  They can't even comprehend the stupidity of their own hypocrisy.

PPS - Don't even get me started on the slave auction draft.

Lebron Shoots M249 Machine Gun

What do you think he says when he pulls up from the gun?

Auburn Moron Refuses to Hedge Bet

This bet started making the internet rounds a few months back.  Today, ESPN has an article glorifying Mark Skiba's refusal to hedge this bet.  He obviously should've put $25k on Florida State as soon as the moneyline was available.  ESPN insinuates some sort of jinx by hedging this bet, as if Joe Schmo's bet has any bearing on the outcome of the game.  Also, as a simple heads up to the people of Alabama - Brian Burnett, CPA, is the dumbest accountant the state of Alabama has to offer.  Telling anyone to throw away $25,000 because you've "come this far" should be grounds for losing his accreditation.

As if I wasn't rooting for FSU enough, here's to seeing Mark Skiba $25,000 poorer than he should be.

SI's Eulogy to the BCS

I enjoyed this more than I think most of you will.

USC vs. UCLA Bball Yesterday

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, USC got shamed / boat-raced / routed at Pauley Pavilion yesterday. UCLA easily could've hung 120 points on us, but thankfully Alford took his foot off the gas.  Watching both USC basketball and the Lakers failing to even fake it on defense is really starting to wear on me.  One of the very few bright spots for me during the game was laughing at FS1 for this typo.  The other was reading that Shabazz Muhammad has been relegated to the NBA's D-League. 

If you thought his Tourette's was bad before...