The NFL Draft - Explained By Bill Burr

And here is just another funny video from Burr on Roger Goodell's awful presser last year.

And I'll just leave the USC Trojans draft statistics right here.

PC Police Cancel ASU Undie Run Cuz It "Cheapens Degrees"

Rape culture is so prevalent on college campuses these days, even philanthropic fundraisers like the ASU Undie Run have to go.  Nevermind that the event has donated 44,000 pounds of clothes to homeless shelters (that's 22 tons of clothing to the layperson).  If the fat feminists can't/won't/don't participate, the social good of clothing THE HOMELESS must be secondary.  The quote from the article about how it "cheapens degrees" is laugh out loud funny.  No one goes to ASU for the value of their respective degree.  They go to party.  All they are doing now is encouraging the partiers to give less of a fuck about being socially conscious in the surrounding community.  Win-win.

Kim DeJesus Pretending To Be A Mermaid

#mermaid life 🐬🐟🐠

A video posted by @kimdejesus on Apr 30, 2015 at 5:39am PDT

It's better without the sound (of me unzipping my pants).

Matt Barnes Spits On Court, Still An Asshole

God I fucking hate Matt Barnes.  Everything about him bothers me.  Zero redeeming qualities.  Even his own son hates him.  He's covered in tattoos to look hard, yet no one fears him.  Spurs in 6.

Dick, Reggie... You Suck Dick

Not only does Reggie Miller not understand puns, but it also appears he is too dumb to comprehend basic insults.  Listening to him butcher playoff games is awful.  Thank God hockey is back on tonight.  And this Matthew McConaughey paradox from Reddit made me laugh.

Are You Ready To Have Your Mind Blown?

In the most random thing I've read on the Internet in months, I found out today that Glenn Close randomly was the pirate Captain Hook put in the boo box at the beginning of Hook.  It's such an off the wall cameo, I even double checked it on IMDB.  Sure enough, my favorite bunny boiler is the least known cross dresser in the history of children's movies.

Nina Agdal Teasing Me With These Almost Nudes - UPDATED

I think this photographer is slowly removing the censors over the nips.  Keep checking back.

 

 

Halos Heaven Takedown Reads Like Arte Moreno Op-Ed

I'm guessing this writer got as angry as I did when he listened to Josh Hamilton's answer to this question on personal accountability - "The Angels knew what they were getting into." 

#BaltimoreRiots Best Videos Day 1

Video's That Made Me Laugh Last Week

The Islanders fairytale season just ended, but this has been the best moment of the playoffs thus far.

The Short Game is an awesome documentary on Netflix about 7 & 8 year old golfers.  This autistic kid was the best golfer in his age group.  Overbearing parents everywhere.  Really funny.

The Mount Everest Avalanche Video Is Terrifying

Morning Melons With Gronk's GF Camille Kostek

The word on the street is that Gronk is dating former Patriots cheerleader and new ESPN sideline reporter Camille Kostek.  Although I haven't found a picture of the two of them together, I can see what Gronk sees in her.  Cheerleaders aren't allowed to fraternize with the players, so the former cheerleader thing is a dead giveaway.  She's the hotter version of Britt McHenry, and I love that ESPN just hired her too.  More blondes please.  Let's hope her car doesn't get towed.

 

 

Johnny Depp As Whitey Bulger in "Black Mass"

This trailer channels one of my favorite scenes from Goodfellas, and with Johnny Depp prepping for this role in Donnie Brasco, there's no way Black Mass isn't incredible.  He's already more believable than Nicholson in The Departed.  Can't wait.

I Hate The AT&T U-Verse Commercials

There will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be a female pitcher in Major League Baseball.  Never.  Likewise, AT&T U-Verse will absolutely not exist by the time we land a human on Mars.  Cord-cutting is already rampant, and Netflix is taking over the world.  The idea that AT&T U-Verse will be in existence by the time we land on Mars is legitimately laughable.  Here are some alternatives that actually fall within the realm of possibility:

Where will you be when Bill Clinton becomes the First Lady?
Where will you be when Erin Andrews finally gets married?
Where will you be when Jaguars play their first game in London?
Where will you be when Fast & Furious 12 goes straight to Pay-per-view?

Reggie Miller Went To UCLA, Pun Intended

God I fucking hate Reggie Miller.  Not only is he terrible at his job, but he thinks he's funny, which makes him even worse.  UCLA has been giving basketball players a free ride for 50 years, so this makes sense that he doesn't even grasp the English language.  Miller is a full-fledged ego maniac, which in and of itself is ridiculous since he's never won a fucking thing.  Thank God playoff hockey overlaps the never-ending NBA playoffs.  Since when does African sky soccer needs three days of rest to hockey's one day of rest in between games?

Warren Sapp Prostitution Arrest Interview Is AMAZING

I love how TMZ can come up with illegal videos like this.  There is absolutely no reason this video should be in the public domain, which makes it all that much better of a watch.

Blind USC Fan Jake Olson To Walk-On

The LA Times had a great story this morning about blind USC fan Jake Olson.  Here is the link.  The story is truly amazing.  And the father-son bonding over golf put it over the top for me.  Read it.  You may remember Jake from this ESPN human interest piece from 2010.  I didn't know Jake won the 2015 Swim With Mike scholarship, but the idea of him long-snapping an extra point against Alabama at Jerry World in Dallas in 2016 is simply unreal.  I hope it happens.

David Hasselhoff's True Survivor Music Video

The Kickstarter.com sensation Kung Fury, a Swedish martial arts action comedy throwback to 80's cop movies, has released the first music video from the soundtrack.  The production company for the movie is called Laser Unicorns.  The True Survivor music video features the David Hasselhoff in all of his glory. Well I guess not ALL of his glory...

Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer #2

Disney did a good job on this one, as this is actually the first trailer for the new Star Wars that has gotten me excited.  Christmas seems so far away right now.  The scorched Darth Vader mask makes me think the force is somehow still alive in Anakin Skywalker.

Knuckle Cracking MRI Video Explains Noise

Fox News posted this article explaining the sound from cracking your knuckles has finally been put to rest.  The video shows the creation of a sort of vacuum when pulling the bones apart.  The article even quotes the doctor of the "Pull My Finger" study as saying, "As the joint surfaces suddenly separate, there is no more fluid available to fill the area, so a cavity or vacuum is created."  Thus the sound comes from the creation of a little bubble or vacuum between the joints.  I found this fascinating because I crack my fingers, toes, back, and neck constantly every single day.  I think you're weird if you don't crack anything.

Britt McHenry Suspended Over Rant To Towing Company Cashier

This video was a lot more intense than I expected going in.  Having your car towed is the worst thing in the world, so I know I'd have a short fuse at the window too.  I'm sure the woman behind the counter called her a dumb blonde or spoiled, but Britt absolutely goes crazy on the bitch. BCS profiled Britt McHenry in August, so you probably know who she is.  She's lucky she's hot, otherwise I might care about how bitchy she was to a cunt she'd never met.

Can FunnyOrDie.com Just Die Already?

This "prank" by Funny or Die was so transparent, I'm surprised people fell for it.  Dennis Quaid himself only does like a B- job.  Nobody screams & rants that slowly.  You stumble over your words as you are attempting to let the rage flow.  He did a better job of acting on The Parent Trap Redux.  Remember cute, normal, split-screen Lindsay Lohan?  Quaid & Lohan's careers are in a free fall.  I don't remember him in anything since The Rookie, and his IMDB page is a dumpster fire filled with stuff no one has seen.  If this was Quaid's best attempt at True Detective Season 3, fire your PR rep.

If you really want to watch a few REAL rants, enjoy these:

This Minute & A Half Video Will Make Your Day

The commentary makes it.  I would kill for a video of the confrontation inside CiCi's Pizza.

This Indiana RFRA Bullshit Is So Dumb

I guess I have to preface this by saying that I am pro same-sex marriage, but I could not be more vehemently opposed to forcing religious Americans to cater and photograph an event that is contrary to their religious beliefs.  The Gay Mafia is very real, and in this case, they made a mountain out of a molehill.  How many straw men can the liberal media come up?  It's truly staggering.  Whether it's a fake "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" campaign of lies, the ills of nuclear power (the cleanest of all energy), or a UVA fraternity gang-rape hoax, or a religious freedom law backlash of epic proportions - everything is just a bunch of bullshit.

As you can see from this video, there is a reason gay CEOs are reluctant to come out, and it's because they do not want to have to weigh in on every topic of the day for The Gay Mafia.  Since Tim Cook was outed on CNBC, he's now one of the defacto voices of The Gay Mafia.  You can read Cook's Op-Ed here on the "pro-discrimination" religious freedom laws sweeping the country.  Nevermind that Cook just started opening Apple stores in Saudi Arabia - the same Saudi Arabia that whips gay men in public 450 times in order to cleanse them of their CRIME.

The headline this morning is that a pizzeria in Indiana won't cater gay weddings.  As if a gay person would have pizza catered at their wedding.  Just grasping at straws (or straw men) since this law literally has so few practical implications.  What actually happened is a left wing reporter went into a Christian pizzeria called Memories Pizza and started asking questions.  The pizzeria owner said that they do not discriminate, that gays are welcome in their stores.  The reporter then asked the owner if they would cater a gay wedding, to which the owner said they would have a religious objection.

GOTCHA.  That's how these people think. It's Neo-McCarthyism (to steal from Dazed & Confused).

Pat Haden became a card-carrying member of the Gay Mafia two days ago, as did USC by fiat.  While I was happy having Berkeley hang onto that mantle for the Pac-12, it continues to be opposite day for me and has for the last 8 years.  I think it's very hypocritical to shirk your responsibilities to the College Football Playoff Committee over laws that already exists in Arizona & Utah.  Is Pat Haden going to boycott all work and/or athletic events in those states, or does it only matter when a certain state in particular is in the national spotlight?  Maybe Haden could focus on landing a basketball coach like Shaka Smart or Gregg Marshall before another football powerhouse scoops them both up.  Is that really too much to ask?

My favorite part about this whole thing is that liberals were for the RFRA before they were against it.  20 states as well as the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT already have this law on the books.  Bill Clinton signed the original in 1993 with a unanimous backing of the House of Reps & 97-3 for in the Senate.  I can't remember any legislation in history with that much support.  Nothing has changed of course, except The Gay Mafia didn't expect to win the same-sex marriage debate so quickly.  They never thought that Christians would become the class protected from persecution by these laws, so now these laws must be derided and castoff as vestiges of an unenlightened time, i.e. 20 years ago.

PS - WHY THE FUCK IS ANYONE ASKING MARK EMMERT TO WEIGH IN ON THIS?  THE MEDIA SHITS ON HIM YEAR-ROUND, BUT NOW HIS FUCKING OPINION MATTERS?

Nick Saban Says One Thing, Does The Exact Opposite

Nick Saban has had a tough week.  3 arrests in 4 days is a bad stretch for the Alabama football team (great for Fulmer Cup standings though), but the story of Jonathan Taylor had eluded me until now.  Jonathan Taylor is very good at playing on the defensive line.  Now that that's out of the way, we can easily explain the rest.  Taylor was arrested twice last year while at the University of Georgia, once for domestic violence.  Mark Richt kicked him off the team, which makes sense given the Ray Rice story in national headlines.  Now Taylor has once again been arrested for domestic violence in Tuscaloosa.  His girlfriend has since recanted, but only after she realized her meal ticket was gone.

Now I must digress.  Earlier this year on July 17th, 2014, Nick Saban was quoted saying, "there's never been a player that I've kicked off the team that ever amounted to anything."  A statement as such would then beg the question, "Why would you welcome a player that one of your colleagues already gave a 2nd chance and was spurned?"  The answer is two-fold in that Jonathan Taylor is very good at playing on the defensive line, and Nick Saban is an obvious hypocrite.  I guess Saban would say that it's only a hard-and-fast rule if Saban himself does the kicking off, or some 2nd chances bullshit that even he doesn't believe.  The bottom line is that Saban thought Taylor was good enough at football to risk a domestic violence issue, or he's narcissistic enough to believe other coaches just don't have the same command of the locker room.  Fuck him in either case.  The good news for Alabama is their egregious oversigning won't matter now that 3 spots opened up in the last 4 days.