2oolander, Otherwise Known As Zoolander 2 Trailer (Including Bieber)

Considering how bad sequels have been recently, this trailer got me really farty and bloaty.

This Is Terrifying

And my Dad doesn't understand why I want to go shark diving...

Emirates Invents Jetpacks That Fly With Planes

We've come a long way since Sean Connery pretended to use a jetpack during Thunderball, but I really didn't think we had come this far.  I'm still trying to get my head wrapped around wingsuits, and these guys are basically strapping human-sized airplanes to their backs.  I don't even know what I would do there, other than make an ass out of myself culturally, but I want a trip to Dubai more than any other non-golf destination.

PS - I'm too busy these days, so follow me at @BeachChairSprts on Twitter for more posts.

ISIS Launching Floating Condom Grenades

In an effort to fight back against the relentless Russian bombing campaign in Syria, ISIS has resorted to floating inflated condoms with homemade grenades as their state-of-the-art anti-aircraft weapon.  I can't wait for Trump to carpet bomb these fucking morons so we can all move on with our lives.  And this political cartoon made me laugh.  Laughably, John Kerry is about to get a Nobel Peace Prize.

 At least this Palestinian kid's terrorist Halloween costume is topical.

USC Holder Celebrations Make Monday Better

I don't know much about business major backup QB Conner Sullivan from Orange Lutheran High School, but I know I'm not taking a piss / getting a flask mixer during every extra point anymore.

30 For 30 - Angels In The Outfield

ESPN made a hilarious mockumentary 30 For 30 based on the movie Angels In The Outfield.  Kurkjian's away games comment at the end really cracked me up.  I hope this becomes a new take on the "This Is Sportscenter" commercials as a trend of mockumenting all of the great baseball movies. Bull Durham, Major League(s), Rookie of the Year, Little Big League, Summer Catch, etc.

Want To See Sumo Wrestlers Running A Race?

My day has been made.

Betting Ticket Week 8

I took the Mets to sweep last night, and the confidence has spilled over into tonight's and this weekend's games.  I've been doing a little more hedging of my happiness, so you may not agree with a few of these picks.  Hedging my happiness has a better ring to it than fading myself.

Seahawks @ 49ers - Seahawks -7
Cal @ UCLA - Cal +3 (take the moneyline)
Utah @ USC - Utah +3
Baylor vs. Iowa State - Baylor -37
Texas A&M @ Ole Miss - Texas A&M +5.5

Demotivational Seinfeld Take On Awards

Dabo Swinney Doesn't Like The Term "Clemsoning"

This video is from two weeks ago, but I think Clemson is due for a loss.  Miami seems just as likely as anyone else in the ACC, especially since Al Golden is just trying to finish the season.  One of the unranked teams has got to win some time.

FUCK MATT BARNES

How much longer am I going to have to deal with Matt Barnes in my life?  It's only a matter of time before he ends up in jail indefinitely, but the silence from the NBA in regard to Barnes' latest antics has been DEAFENING.  Let me lay this out for you - A current NBA player viciously attacks a current NBA head coach.  But not only did Matt Barnes attack Derek Fisher, he also terrorized his ex-wife AND CHILDREN in the most obvious domestic violence episode since the last time Barnes beat us his then wife.  It was just released that Barnes only stopped fighting with Fisher after one of his kids begged him to stop.  He's such a fucking scumbag, it's absolutely insane that he's still employed.  At least Steve Ballmer shipped him out of town to Memphis where he can hopefully go to die like Baron Davis did in Cleveland.

I've chronicled this before, but I've hated Matt Barnes from the moment I laid eyes on him.
http://beachchairsports.blogspot.com/2015/05/matt-barnes-yelled-suck-my-dick-bitch.html
http://beachchairsports.blogspot.com/2015/04/matt-barnes-spits-on-court-still-asshole.html
https://instagram.com/p/6fe34KAD6i/?taken-by=beachchairsports

From here on out, it's now my life's mission to get Matt Barnes thought of in the same light at Latrell Sprewell.  At least Sprewell created rims that still make you laugh when you see them in the wild.  And Sprewell didn't beat up his ex-wife's boyfriend in front of his kids.  Who hasn't wanted to strangle PJ Carlesimo, am I right?

Top 10 Movie Opening Scenes Of All Time

It's hard to define what makes a great opening scene, but you know it when you see it.  The movie sinks its teeth into you, and they've got you completely engrossed immediately.  Ranking them is even more difficult, but without further ado, my list of favorite opening scenes.

10. Casino Royale - Almost all James Bond movies have an epic opening scene, with some mattering more to the plot line than others.  The parkour chase is about as good as it gets.

9. Jaws - The cinematography looked dated 40 years later, but I still remember being terrified of the ocean after watching Jaws 1-3 on a loop as a kid.  This scene is probably partially responsible for the world's obsession with Shark Week.

8. Inglourious Basterds - A complete version of this scene isn't readily available online, and it's a total shame.  The tension Christoph Waltz is able to create in this scene while keeping his outwardly happy demeanor is remarkable.  Far and away the best scene of the movie, which is not the case in most Tarantino films.

7. Drive - Getaway scenes don't get any better than this.  Maybe I love this scene because I'm completely consumed by car chases on TV here in LA.  KCAL9 is the BEST.  Maybe I love this scene because I know most of the streets Gosling is crushing to evade LA's finest.  Maybe it's both.

6. Goodfellas - Martin Scorcese was given the difficult task of attempting to make a better mob movie than The Godfather, and Goodfellas is as close as you can get to perfection.  Ray Liotta is the best he's ever been.  Throw in DeNiro and Pesci, and you're fully strapped in for an amazing story.

5. Jurassic Park - SHOOT HER!! SHOOT HER!!  I can't believe my parents let me see this movie in theaters when I was just six years old.  I must've been unbearable, and my mom relented.

4. The Wolf Of Wall Street - Having read the book, I sort of knew what I was getting myself into.  This is Martin Scorcese's 2nd appearance on this list, because he knows how to grab an audience from the start.  The movie was still 45 minutes too long, but no movie helps with the Sunday Scaries more after a bender than this one.

3. Super Troopers - Literally what I said was "yeah sure" sir.

2. Top Gun - I bet I tricked you with the picture at the top of this blog.  Aircraft carriers, F-14 fighters, and Kenny Loggins - what else could any red blooded American ask for?  And Tom Cruise playing volleyball on a 6 foot net is only an hour away.  Can't wait.

1. Office Space - This scene hits home to about 99% of people working in the real world.  The pointless changing of lanes, the rap music lyrics, the locking of your door due to off-ramp vendors, and the punching of the steering wheel.  Every part of your daily commute is perfectly and succinctly accounted for by the genius that is Mike Judge.

Von Miller's Real Life Key & Peele Sketch

The Denver Broncos' Von Miller was fined $11,567 for the obscene gestures seen above.  Beach Chair Sports has been a fan of the young linebacker for some time.  I laughed during that Monday Night Football game two weeks ago, since his air humping celebration reminded me of Hingle McCringleberry's 3 excessive celebration penalties from that Key & Peele sketch.  One of the worst parts about the No Fun League is them taking ridiculous celebrations away from the players.

And this weekend shows us what happens when Goodell takes the fun away.

On a somewhat related note, the LA Times hilariously referred to Oregon shooter Chris Harper-Mercer as a "half-black white supremacist," which meant I immediately had to brush up on Clayton Bigsby's thoughts about African-Americans.  Key & Peele is a poor man's Chappelle's Show, but you have to take what you can get when it comes to comedy these days.

PopCopy & Clayton Bigsby

Football Betting Week 5

Last week I went 4-3 on my picks, but I wasn't in love with any of the totals this week.  Maybe I'll throw a few totals in after listening to Barstool Pick Em, but I doubt it.  Oregon -7.5 at Colorado is the Lock of the Millenium, so go big.

Single Plays
Notre Dame @ Clemson - Notre Dame +1.5
Oregon @ Colorado - Oregon -7.5 (easiest bet of my life)
ASU @ UCLA - ASU +14
Alabama @ Georgia - Bama +1.5
Panthers @ Buccaneers - Panthers -3
Bengals vs. Chiefs  - Bengals -4
Raiders @ Bears - Raiders -3
Packers @ 49ers - Packers -9

Parlays
Bama (+1.5), Oregon (-7.5), Raiders (-3), Packers (-9)

Randomness During A Busy Week

Warren Buffett wore shoulder pads under his custom Dolphins jersey, and I'm still confused.

Even the kids know to stop the game...

Ernie Els Yipped This Putt So Bad It Hurts #NSFL

Don't watch this if you have ever had the yips before in your life.  It's awful.

Football Betting Week 4

Tomorrow is what I refer to as a "Couch Cooler Day," where you bring a cooler to the couch so you don't even need to get up for a fresh beer.   Just look at that glorious slate of games for us to stress about the totals.  I might just bet the whole board last minute, since I couldn't do any worse than the last two weeks.  Fair warning, I started fading* myself already, so some of these picks are the exact opposite of my gut feeling.  I plan on starting out the day with the enthusiasm of TO eating popcorn, but I imagine I'll look like Washington's superfan around 9 pm.
     *Faded game notation

Single Plays
Stanford @ Oregon State (tonight) - Over 45 *
Hawaii @ Wisconsin - Over 50
Miami OH @ Western Kentucky (@Rico_Bosco) - Over 67
UCLA @ Arizona - Arizona +3 *
TCU @ Texas Tech - TCU -7
USC @ Arizona State - ASU +5.5
UMass @ Notre Dame - Notre Dame -29 *
Bengals @ Ravens - Bengals +3
Falcons @ Cowboys - Falcons -2

Parlays
ND -29, TCU -7, Zona +3, ASU +5.5
TCU -7, ASU +5.5, Bengals +3, Falcons -2

And for entertainment purposes, you should watch or listen to the Barstool Sports Pick 'Em podcast each week.  Their take on Stanford last week was awkwardly specific and correct.

http://www.barstoolsports.com/chicago/college-football-pickem-podcast-week-4/

College Football Betting & ESPN

To start out this college football season, ESPN flipped the script and blatantly began referencing gambling lines in their daily programming.  The general consensus was, "It's about fucking time."  Ironically enough, the timing coincided with ESPN's new partnership with Draft Kings and the NFL's partnership with Fan Duel.  I was planning on having a hot take on the hypocrisy of allowing daily fantasy gambling on individual player outcomes while prohibiting gambling on the outcomes of actual games.  It's nothing more than semantics, and Scott Van Pelt said it perfectly last night.

His 9pm SportsCenter even has a "Bad Beats" segment, which is quickly becoming must see TV.  The only thing I enjoy more during his show is making Tim Kurkjian giggle like an idiot because of SVP's Ballimerese (Read: Baltimore) accent.  ESPN has already acquiesced to NCAA demands to get rid of the cover alerts after the first two weeks of the season.  Likewise, people across the sports landscape are complaining about the constant inundation of commercials from Draft Kings & Fan Duel.  As someone who is a proponent for legalized sportsbooks on every corner like in the UK, I see most of these developments in an almost completely positive light.  But I also know that this type of coverage across the television landscape will bring the Congressional watchdogs to the table for a hefty bite of the profits.  It's only a matter of time.

Here is another article on ESPN acknowledging gambling this season -
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ncaaf/2015/09/08/espn-college-gameday-football-gambling-wagering-odds-tv-broadcast/71897470/

Here is an article on a gambling business that was arbitrarily shut down, while daily fantasy thrives -
http://espn.go.com/chalk/story/_/id/13506773/betting-bookmaking-curious-case-betchacom-chalk

New Football Themed Ringtones For Your iPhone

Does your morning alarm sound you've been using for years need an update?  Are you sick of your boring old ringtone?  Then you have come to the right place.  All you need to do is click the link under each video in order to download your copy of that song in ringtone form, and simply save it where you keep your music.  Double click the file to Open in iTunes, and you will have the ringtone the next time you update your phone.  Somehow that seems less simple than I intended starting out.  Figure it out.

https://mega.nz/#!slxTlZxa!Ok4Slzot3kCxlbzvL7y3liN3EttrE1IW5T5rs3pwkkc

https://mega.nz/#!pw4hTToK!QtVAjh-QK3L2t_BX_2BPJc5tvIX8_IwFWXCqGJnHaIw

https://mega.nz/#!19xFiZ5T!4N-Op2oVQpEpRjwivjJnRq0AKtRbIQvESKFZq5FfKFc

https://mega.nz/#!IkpXQagC!SQZtpiRWiwcGdZIPq4Q7toMAJATa0QP1V0Aj58V84PM

https://mega.nz/#!U4Q00IAZ!tY2Ek1lNZQDF-osaKgo4G9fN3KA4olAjcVSyUl1T7-E

https://mega.nz/#!otwFwSAY!TJq_9XhNxmWKQLp_IavdAaSe97UHsN5PsyujhHT1kPw

https://mega.nz/#!R1Bkwbaa!1Lhget03Nc3VieaEMYFHv4ksRUbhEhIJg4fBI-TBNG4

My Favorite Yogi-isms - RIP Yogi Berra

90 years is a great run, especially as a New York City legend.  He was a good golfer too.  Some of these oxymorons are essentially one-liners that contain more truth than some would like to admit.

On how events sometimes seem to repeat themselves: "It's deja vu all over again!"
On selecting a restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

On pregame rest: "I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4."

On his team's diminishing pennant chances: "It ain't over `till it's over."

On his approach to playing baseball: "Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."

On learning: "You can observe a lot by watching."

On school: "I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."

On travel directions: "When you come to a fork in the road take it."

On battling the shadows in left field at Yankee Stadium: "It gets late early out there."  

On his approach to at-bats: "You can't think and hit at the same time."

On a slipping batting average: "Slump? I ain't in no slump. ... I just ain't hitting."

On switch hitters: "He hits from both sides of the plate.  He's amphibious."

On that day's game: "We made too many wrong mistakes."

On the bench players' quality: "We have deep depth."

On baseball attendance: "If people don't come to the ballpark, how are you gonna stop them?"

On the 1973 Mets: "We were overwhelming underdogs."

On economics: "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

On being told he looked cool: "You don't look so hot yourself."

On being asked what time it was: "You mean now?"

On a spring training drill: "Pair off in threes."

On the weather: "It ain't the heat, it the humility."

On being given a day in his honor: "Thank you for making this day necessary."

On fan mail: "Never answer an anonymous letter."

On philosophy: "If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

On death: "Always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't go to yours."

On the fractured syntax attributed to him: "I really didn't say everything I said."

Waka Flocka Flame Wants Me Off The Sidewalks

Waka Flocka Flame's name was on a list of people who've declared their candidacy for the President of the United States, so I decided to investigate his platform.  Call me an asshole, but I very much assumed he was pro-marijuana before I even came across his announcement video.  Everything was going pretty smoothly, since I don't want animals in restaurants (or planes) either.  But then he crosses the line at the 1:27 mark in the video, needlessly going after size 13 feet.  Flocka is basically saying that every basketball player ever must stay off the streets.

That has to be the most random, unprovoked attack on my mutant toes in a very long time.  What a strange pet peeve for Flocka to have - big feet taking up room on the sidewalk.  Does this mean that he has tiny feet (Read: tiny dick)?  Is this a not so obvious slight directed towards his well-endowed brothers?  That's what I'm choosing to believe.  I really haven't felt this self-conscious about my shoe size since the last time a slimy shoe salesman stuck me in one of those Brannock devices.  "Oh, I have wide, flat, fat feet with alien toes?  Do you have ANY size 13's in the back?"  A Brannock device sounds like something an executioner would use to torture someone before their untimely end.

Happy Birthday Song Copyright Cancelled

A U.S. District Court judge ruled yesterday that the copyright Sony held on the "Happy Birthday To You" song was invalid.  Judge George H. King ruled that he could find no evidence that the song's creators, a pair of sisters named Mildred and Patty Hill, ever transferred copyright of the lyrics to a publisher.  As such, Sony basically just lost a $2 million annual golden goose.  Movies and TV shows have gone to great lengths to avoid the $10k price tag.  The video below is a compilation of happy birthday song alternatives.

Will Ferrell Wins 40 Yard Dash Vs. My 31 Year Old Buddy

Ever lose to Will Ferrell in a 40 yard dash? #bestlossever #fighton #idid

A video posted by Derek Masi (@doofmasi) on Sep 19, 2015 at 9:39pm PDT

I can't stop watching this.  There is no way to top this life moment.

Hyperloop Intro Video Boner

It's safe to say that my hefty man-crush on anything and everything Elon Musk is going nowhere.

The Worst Punt Coverage In The History Of Football

It actually looks worse than football in the movies.

Contestant Gets Alex Trebek To Say Turd Ferguson

The only reason I want to be a contestant on Jeopardy is to screw with Alex Trebek during Final Jeopardy.  I'm actually surprised he said Turd Ferguson out loud.  He didn't when Aaron Rodgers tried on an actual Celebrity Jeopardy.  I've gotten this video sent to me from 5 different sources, so I'm glad that my love for these skits is well known to my friends and family.  Below is the original.

I've been having trouble settling on a Halloween costume, and this one has always been a favorite of mine.  As I'm typing this, Norm MacDonald is playing Colonel Sanders on a KFC commercial, which might be an even better idea.  Decisions, decisions...

Write down any number, any number at all... Sean Connery, you wrote the letter V.  Well I tell you what my friend - V is a Roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered correctly.  And your wager...

Where are you right now? ... Sean Connery, let's see what you wrote.  "In Doors" Oh my God, are we recording this?  Let's see what you wagered...

President Bush's First Pitch at Yankee Stadium After 9/11

I was busy with a wedding over the weekend, and I meant to post this video on Friday.  There is a long and a short version below.  It gets a little dusty in the room during the long 30 for 30, so some may rather watch the shorter version.  And I bet you never think of Derek Jeter the same way.

As if you needed verification of just how clutch that first pitch was, here is a chart of notable first pitches.  W barely edged out Slick Willy - with Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor's pitch surprising us all.  Also, 50 Cent far left still makes me laugh.

Glasses That Cure Colorblindness

Immediately when I saw this video, I emailed it to my uncle and a buddy from college who are colorblind.  I still haven't heard anything back from them, but I hope they have a similar experience as the guy in this video.  It's almost spiritual - watching someone see a sunset for the first time.  So if you know anyone who is colorblind, maybe tell them about these Enchroma glasses. 

Texas State Barbie Car Vs. @Vodka_samm Vs. Ole Miss Hotty Toddy - Who Ya Got?

Inside Edition's clip with Tara Monroe, a Texas State junior, is flat out hilarious.  The headshot smile for her mugshot, calling herself a diva who hates to sweat, and her Dad at the end of his robe.  "I'm not at all making a joke of my DUI."  Um yeah, Tara, you are.  And I'm 95% sure she's wearing a Kappa Kappa Gamma shirt, so my sisters are definitely beaming with pride.  I'm not sold on the Tevas though Tara.  Clean that up already.  But in the end, this story got me thinking about my favorite drunk college girl story of recent times.

Vodka Samm comes to mind right away, as she has been a personal hero of mine for literally 2 years now.  Unapologetic about her partying until the day she dies.  I absolutely love everything about @Vodka_samm, and I've never even met her.  But at the same time, I don't want to short change my Hotty Toddy from Ole Miss either.  She insults her own IQ, then takes it back, then admits it's shit after all.  We get a YOLO, choosing Eli Manning's "drive" over his brother Peyton's because of a lack of loyalty, wisdom & advise like "you'll make the grades as long as you get like a 2.0," and her needlessly informing us that she never misses a party.

Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" 24 Years Old Today

Today is the 24th anniversary of the release of Nirvana's hit single Smells Like Teen Spirit.  I heard a tribute to the song on the radio this morning, and I forgot how much I used to love Nirvana.  Dave Grohl continues to be the ultimate rockstar, after finishing a concert with a broken fucking leg.  That is some Greg Jennings "put the team on my back" type of shit.

College Football Bets - Week 1

There are quite a few interesting matchups this week, including 3 games tonight that are all worth watching.  I can't wait to watch Harbaugh do something weird tonight.  TCU is going to embarrass Minnesota badly.  Just a total boat race.  And I hope the Old Ball Coach's defense is as bad as I suspect.  Good luck and godspeed tonight / this weekend.

Single Plays:
TCU -17
TCU vs Minnesota - Over 58
Utah -6
The Other USC vs. UNC - Over 64
ASU +3.5
Michigan State -17
USC -27
Texas +10
Washington +12

Parlays:
USC -27, TCU -17, Utah -6, ASU +3.5, Mich St. -17
TCU vs. Minn Over 58, the Other USC vs. UNC Over 64, Utah -6, TCU -17

Bring Rotten Bananas Back To Life - Mind Blown

I have neither the correct rice nor a blow dryer, but soon I'm going to ruin a perfectly good banana for the express purpose of bringing it back to life. 

Gender Neutral Pronouns From U of Tennessee Are Absurd

The University of Tennessee's Office for Diversity & Inclusion has issued the above guidelines in order to navigate the new gender-conscious world we live in.  My favorite part of the policy - instead of taking roll on the first day, everyone will be asked to provide their name AND PRONOUN.  Asking a person's title (Mr., Mrs., Miss) is too offensive these days, so you will be asked what gender neutral pronoun you prefer.  They-Them-Their make perfect sense as gender neutral pronouns, almost too much sense, thus it's clearly time to re-invent the wheel in the name of proper tranny tolerance.  For the life of me, I cannot fathom from where Ze-Hir-Hirs, Ze-Zir-Zirs, and Xe-Xem-Xyr are derived.  The etymology of these words must've been conjured out of thin air, if not directly from Bill Maher's brain.  They're just incoherent blatherings and jibberish that no sane person would even begin to comprehend or connect with the pronouns They-Them-Their.  I recently saw LGBT transformed into LGBTQ, since Queers weren't equitably represented in the acronym.  I'm sure the Gay Mafia will end up overtaking the AFL-CIO for world's longest acronym by 2020.

I was at a bar in Tahoe that was "Girls Drink Free," so I simply told the bartender that I identified as a woman.  Seeing that I had him by the balls, pardon the pun, he was fast enough on his feet to claim that only the sex listed on your driver's license was applicable for the drink special.  I'm on a mission to expose all of these ridiculous liberal perversions of the English language, and these gender neutral pronouns genuinely seem like something pulled straight out of The Onion.  

Hype Video - USC Football Is 9 (Read: Juju) Days Away

Hype videos are the best this time of year, and this one is no different.  Adoree Jackson is going to be really fun to watch.  Selecting my football season desktop wallpaper has been tougher than usual this season.  Historically I have gone with the media guide rendition on the top, but I think I like the bottom one more this year.  The dates are easier to remember.

Virginia Tech List Of Fines For Football Players

Virginia Tech coaches have resorted to fining players for any sort of infractions, as if the measly allowance the players are receiving needs to be reined in for some reason.  The Virginia Tech AD immediately discontinued the policy today, especially after the NCAA attorneys realized that such a policy treated players exactly like employees.  Can't have that.  Beamer Ball might take a hit in recruiting because of this, or at least it should.  And $50 for a dirty locker versus $30 for missed class is a bad look.

Salt In The Wound - Kobe & Shaq Talk "What Could Have Been"

For Lakers fans into S&M, head over to Bleacher Report for a breakdown of The BIG podcast with Shaq featuring Kobe Bryant yesterday.  Normally people wait for retirement to reminisce about what could've been, but we all know Kobe isn't normal.  I hope this sort of conversation shows maturity - the type of maturity where he knows to take the veteran's minimum if/when he decides to come back for 2016-2017.  The alley-oop against the Blazers is my favorite Kobe/Shaq moment of all time.

 
PS - I'm ashamed I forgot that it was Scottie Pippen who Kobe embarrassed on this play.

$900 Flamethrower Available For Everyone Not In The People's Republic Of California

Supposedly there is talk of some sort of legislation outlawing flamethrowers now that they are commercially available, and the owner says the prospect of prohibition has only driven sales higher for his company.  With 3D Printing capabilities jumping forward by leaps & bounds, I don't understand the point in banning almost anything anymore.  I saw the topic of gun control come up again today, and my argument is always the same.  Why not make cocaine, heroin, and meth illegal too?  That will finally get guns and drugs off the streets.

The Oregon Duck Remakes Alabama Alpha Phi Rush Video

Anything that pokes fun at the faux internet outrage police is A okay in my book.  I'm still in shock the recruitment video below even made headlines.  It's basically a C+ effort, even though it has all the prerequisites: Slow motion, glitter blowing, bubbles, pop song with techno chorus - check, check, check, check.  The Stanford band only wishes they could come up with something half as funny.  Or as a cross-faded Sarkisian so eloquently put it, "They all suck."

This is still the Oregon Duck's finest work.

The Karate Kid - Daniel Is The REAL Bully

I could watch hilarious internet perspectives on classic movies all day.  The hardest I laughed was when the narrator points out that Danny doesn't even know the rules before entering the tournament.  The only problem I have is the lack of respect for one of the greatest movie villains of all time.

 

And for shits and giggles, get a load of these Roman Candle machine guns.

Gary Baba Booey Dell'Abate In Fake 30 for 30

I don't listen to enough Howard Stern.  I used to have XM Radio over the internet, but my roommate's work stopped paying for it.  You can't watch golf anymore without hearing a "Baba Booey" call after somebody's tee shot.  But claiming that Gary's first pitch was anywhere as awful as 50 Cent's atrocity is simply irresponsible.