Finally A Piece Of Wearable Tech To Get Behind

The Wank Band was just introduced by Pornhub as one of the first wearable pieces of technology that recharges your cell phone.  The premise of the product makes sense, although it's being marketed awfully.  This should be an anklet or something that you can store energy for desperate measures at a bar or a game.  The idea of jerking off to create energy makes a little sense except for the whole privacy thing.  You basically only need a charge in a public place.  And that place most likely frowns up "bashing yourself off," unless you DGAF like this bloke.

Russell Westbrook Travels Like Dwyane Wade

How do all 3 referees miss this?  What are they watching?

Marshawn Lynch's Biopic "Family First" Trailer

I had a tough time making it through the whole thing.  The background beat got old after 4 minutes.  It makes me wonder if that beat is the only song in Beast Mode's headphones as his own personal theme music.  The "acting" was awful, slow, and forced.  The fake football game was somehow even worse.  Nothing in that entire trailer worked, yet I still can't wait to pirate a copy.  And in other news, Beast Mode trademarked "I'm just here so I don't get fined" yesterday, so I look forward to a bunch of criminals wearing these shirts to their court dates.

Captivating Article On Missing Malaysian Flight MH370

Click Here to Read The Article

I've never believed that a plane could up & disappear without nefarious hands at work, so I believe this rationale a million times more than a downed plane in the ocean with no wreckage or debris.  I also believe the United States, Russia, and most likely China know exactly what happened to that plane.  Either way, it's a fascinating read that I'm sure you'll enjoy.  In other news, a woman in Georgia's last meal on death row in amazing.  Everyone knows Newman's Own buttermilk dressing is the absolute best.

And this ISIS Training video is laugh out loud funny.  The walking tree ghillie suit was some next level stealth camouflage.

Byron Jones Sets Broad Jump World Record at Combine

The other DBs reaction to this broad jump is the best part of this video.  That and this dude flying.  He shattered the NFL combine record by EIGHT INCHES today.  They are claiming Byron Jones set the world record today, but the Olympics gave up on the broad jump / standing long jump in 1912.

And the Oscars was boring last night.  NPH only made me laugh with his unwritten jokes.  I thought everything else fell flat.  It's truly amazing that the most spot on explanation of the way The Academy votes comes from Robert Downey Jr. in blackface, but here we are.  Last night, Eddie Redmayne won best actor for ALS and Julianne Moore won best actress for Alzheimer's.  Anybody not immediately thinking of Tropic Thunder is no friend of mine.

Rolls-Royce SUV With Suicide Doors Is My Next Car

I NEED this car.  The Porsche Cayenne, the Lamborghini Urus, the Maserati Kubang, and the Bentley Bentayga can all take a back seat to the Rolls-Royce's so far unnamed Phantom SUV.  And I actually looked up if the New York Post is available for delivery after I saw today's frontpage.  It isn't delivered in LA, but you can get a digital copy.  Nevermind.

Afroman Posts Hilarious Excuse For Knocking Out Chick

Afroman slapped the ever-loving shit out of this chick.  People have been laughing at this video for a few days now.  The outrage police let everyone know yesterday that Afroman was indeed arrested for the assault.  And while I most definitely don't believe him, his excuse on Facebook is amazing.