Mystery Pooper Targeting Norwegian Golf Course

HAFRSFJORD, Norway – The groundskeeper of a Norwegian golf course said a mystery pooper targeting course holes must be a man "because the poos are too massive to be from a woman."  Kenneth Tennfjord, groundskeeper at the Stavanger Golf Club, said he has been finding human feces and toilet paper in course holes since 2005.

"He has a couple of favorite holes," Tennfjord told the Rogaland Avis newspaper. "And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman.  He poos only on weekdays. On weekends I have never found poo on the golf course."  He said the fecal discoveries are usually accompanied by used toilet paper.

Steinar Floisvik, managing director of the club, said the mystery pooper used to arrive via bicycle.  "In the early morning dew we observed bicycle tracks on the course. Footsteps showed that he had done his business, and the bicycle tracks disappeared back the way they came," Floisvik said.

Frode Jormeland, another groundskeeper, said the club installed high-powered spotlights to discourage the defecation, but the poop-etrator disabled them. "He climbed up a tree next to the lights and wriggled far out on a branch and dismantled the spotlights. How he managed the feat without electrocuting himself or falling is a riddle," he said.

Floisvik said the pooper's motives are unknown.  "Our idea is that it could be someone who, for unknown reasons, hates the game of golf. Alternatively, the person may have a fetish or suffer from mental problems," he said.

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This story is top-5 all year.  It has everything - sexism over poo sizes, the "poop-etrator's" weekly schedule, Native American tracking techniques to determine the getaway vehicle as a bicycle,  Spiderman-like abilities to thwart anti-pooping precautions, and wild accusations as to the pooper's motives - including but not limited to a hatred of the game of golf.  That accusation is just lazy.  I absolutely love the game of golf, but not as much as I love a good goof.

Thankfully they let you know the poopetrator wiped, so you know he isn't totally insane.  Unlike me.